My Pain

   I told him

I didn't think it was right.

I told him over and over.

He only laughed at me.

I've never hated anything.

I hate that laugh, but I remember

between the blackouts.

I was drunk, and still am,

drunk on anger, sadness, fear.

I think of nothing else.

I don't sleep at night,

it's tearing me apart.

I blink my eyes,

one second it is night

the next, it's early dawn.

I've cried until there was no tear

to fall and drown my thoughts.

I once was pure of body,

I don't recall the change.

Now I'm losing myself.

I'm sorry to share my pain.

I hate asking for help,

admitting weakness.

I hate this,

I hate him,

I think I'm beginning

to hate me.



I never told him no

straight out.

I paid for it in ways unheard.

I'm losing everything.

I'm drowning in a sea of pain.

I'm tired. I'm scared.

I hate. I hurt. I'm lost.