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Stop The Violence MAG

By Anonymous

   Drugs all over under the ground.
Guns, people crying, putting each otherdown.
People every day do crazy things.
Buying fancy cars and a lot ofrings.
You have nothing to show for yourself.
You're dying on the inside,and you have bad health.
I wonder what the community can do.
I have noidea, not even a clue.
I look in the paper and I see someone dead.
They layon the stretcher like it was a bed.
The mothers stand in silence.
Peopleshould think TO STOP THE VIOLENCE!!!


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This article has 198 comments.

ellie315 GOLD said...
on Feb. 19 2011 at 1:19 am
ellie315 GOLD, South Pasadena, California
10 articles 0 photos 86 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And this, our life, exempt from public haunt, finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks, sermons in stones, and good in everything." -- William Shakespeare

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Well, if they meant it to be that way it's ineffective. Not to be rude, but I do not like this poem. The concept is important and we should all think about it but still; the rhyming - what does it add? The words sound illfitting and like they were only used because they rhymed. Personally, I think the poem doesn't do the issue justice. It sounds juvenille.
ellie315 GOLD said...
on Feb. 19 2011 at 1:17 am
ellie315 GOLD, South Pasadena, California
10 articles 0 photos 86 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And this, our life, exempt from public haunt, finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks, sermons in stones, and good in everything." -- William Shakespeare

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The message is good but the rhyme scheme is innaffective and the diction is...sub-par.

This got published in the magazine?

push4ice SILVER said...
on Jan. 28 2011 at 6:02 pm
push4ice SILVER, Schaumburg, Illinois
8 articles 0 photos 3 comments
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i agree. i mean yes this poem sends a good message but wheres the creativity? if poetry on teen ink is being reduced to simple rhyme schemes and such whats the use of posting anything?
LastChapter said...
on Jan. 28 2011 at 4:08 pm
LastChapter, Hempstead, New York
0 articles 0 photos 215 comments

Favorite Quote:
(couldn't think of anything better at the time) "Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step."-Dr.Martin Luther King Jr.

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the wording is awkward. the rhymes are forced. the message is overplayed and unoriginal, without any creative twist to make it yours. it doesn't go into specifics, or give anything for the reader to remember. its not personal, or touching, or artistic in any way. i am honestly confused on why this was printed and some amazing pieces i've read were not.
LastChapter said...
on Jan. 28 2011 at 4:05 pm
LastChapter, Hempstead, New York
0 articles 0 photos 215 comments

Favorite Quote:
(couldn't think of anything better at the time) "Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step."-Dr.Martin Luther King Jr.

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its bad because we make it that way. it's totally preventable if we can all just stop being such @ $ $es
LastChapter said...
on Jan. 28 2011 at 4:04 pm
LastChapter, Hempstead, New York
0 articles 0 photos 215 comments

Favorite Quote:
(couldn't think of anything better at the time) "Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step."-Dr.Martin Luther King Jr.

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i have to agree. i'd like to think i don't just insult people's work, but actually give them tips and ideas they can work and improve off of, but i think that was already said. to blunt, obvious. it didn't give the reader anything to relate to, or stop and think "whoa. that really happens. that's terrible." there was nothing to grasp. i found it dry, uncreative, and too many sing-song easy rhymes. the world has a lot of problems, next time, aim smaller, pick something specific, and really make it something everyone will be effected by. i'm really sorry about the "snatcher" comment though, because that was rude and mean and totally unnecessary. that's not what teenink is about. go on formspring if you want to trash people. here, i'd like to think we're all just trying to improve.
XBLGamerz BRONZE said...
on Jan. 28 2011 at 10:21 am
XBLGamerz BRONZE, Boise, Idaho
3 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot; live today like theres no tomorrow&quot;<br /> Nathan Hire

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it gives you an idea the the warm fuzzy world is not so warm and fuzzy
harold walter bisset said...
on Jan. 21 2011 at 9:12 am
yea we all live in it
harold walter bisset said...
on Jan. 21 2011 at 9:10 am
this poem is very inpiring but you shou show this on tv it a good poem
Chuck Norris said...
on Jan. 19 2011 at 9:15 am
wow, this world is a bad place
HipsterUnicorn. BRONZE said...
on Jan. 10 2011 at 12:12 pm
HipsterUnicorn. BRONZE, Pendleton, Oregon
3 articles 0 photos 48 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Love is the Movement.&quot;

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Exactly......
LeleP BRONZE said...
on Jan. 6 2011 at 10:57 pm
LeleP BRONZE, New Orleans, Louisiana
4 articles 0 photos 1 comment

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it is wat it is!

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Nice job!
ellie315 GOLD said...
on Jan. 6 2011 at 10:39 pm
ellie315 GOLD, South Pasadena, California
10 articles 0 photos 86 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;And this, our life, exempt from public haunt, finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks, sermons in stones, and good in everything.&quot; -- William Shakespeare

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I agree...it sounds like you wrote it down then changed a few words so it rhymed.

The idea and the thought it invokes is beautiful, but the piece itself just sound like you're speaking.

.Boo. BRONZE said...
on Jan. 6 2011 at 9:54 pm
.Boo. BRONZE, Humboldt, Iowa
2 articles 1 photo 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
Judge a man not by the answers he knowsbut by the questions he asks.Voltaire<br /> Nothing in life is so exhilarating as to be shot at without result.WinstonChurchill<br /> I will permit no man to narrow and degrade my soul by makin me hate him.BookerWashington

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i think this every day. maybe not in so many words, but still
falling10ssupernova SILVER said...
on Jan. 6 2011 at 8:18 pm
falling10ssupernova SILVER, Warwick, New York
8 articles 0 photos 43 comments
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do you think this is funny b/c its not 
LaurenE. PLATINUM said...
on Jan. 6 2011 at 6:35 pm
LaurenE. PLATINUM, Nashville, Tennessee
26 articles 19 photos 50 comments

Favorite Quote:
Two woods diverge in a yellow wood, and I- I took the one less traveled. And it has made all the difference. -Robert Frost

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Whether they planned it that way or not, yes it is a good concept and I believe in it, it was just a trivial structure and predictive rhyming schemes. 
HipsterUnicorn. BRONZE said...
on Jan. 6 2011 at 10:15 am
HipsterUnicorn. BRONZE, Pendleton, Oregon
3 articles 0 photos 48 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Love is the Movement.&quot;

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Maybe they planned it that way...
HipsterUnicorn. BRONZE said...
on Jan. 6 2011 at 10:14 am
HipsterUnicorn. BRONZE, Pendleton, Oregon
3 articles 0 photos 48 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Love is the Movement.&quot;

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Wow:) It really makes you think.
cordr3 said...
on Jan. 3 2011 at 5:03 pm
this poem really hit me hard, because i belive the war and vilence should of stoped long ago.
spagooter PLATINUM said...
on Dec. 15 2010 at 8:05 pm
spagooter PLATINUM, Indianapolis, Indiana
23 articles 0 photos 23 comments
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it could use a lot of work.