Screwed-Up Heart

I think I'm going crazy
One minute I'm burning with love
And the next my heart is peaceful
Like an emotionless, tranquil dove.

Is there some explanation?
Something I'm doing wrong?
I just want to know how I feel
I've been confused for too dam long.

Do I have unbreakable walls
Secretly shutting you out?
Defenses I know nothing of
Blockading strong and stout?

Will I ever feel with certainty
A love for any man?
Or am I doomed to wondering,
Never knowing where I stand.

I used to never question
My feelings in this way
Never second guess myself,
Never waver, never sway.

Once upon a blessed time
I didn't worry too much,
Didn't overanalyze,
Overthink, and such.

But nowadays my tangled thoughts
Are constantly consumed
With matters of a screwed-up heart
I've written off as doomed.