Here, Take This Paper

, North Scituate, RI

My mother told me as a child
If I have nothing nice to say
I was to nicely shut my mouth
And go outside and play
So I’m taking her advice
Much to my dismay
But it’s not that big a problem
Since I can show you just the same
So here, take this paper
White with thin blue line
Crumple it and crease it
Tell it awful lies
Now, I want you to unfold it
Lye it flat out on the desk
Smooth it out, unwrinkled it
Make it look its best
Tell it that you’re sorry
For making it so worn
Tell it that you’re sorry
If it may have torn
This piece of paper’s me
All crumpled creased and ripped
But no matter how you try
Those marks are permanent

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Mckay said...
Apr. 17 at 3:07 pm:

Uh, yeah, I so love this. I can relate to this. My mom tells me this all the time. Words are powerful.

Kris_10 replied...
Apr. 17 at 10:26 pm :

Thanks! I'm glad people can relate to this!

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Mckay said...
Apr. 17 at 3:06 pm:

Hell yeah, I love this. My mom tells me the same thing sometimes. I relate to this as well.

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JettaWintry said...
Apr. 2 at 5:25 pm:

I love this!! The metaphor is SO accurate; it baffles me how you could've thought of this. I loveeeee your rhyming as well; you use great words in the scheme!! There's really nothing to critique, except maybe not revealing the truth behind your metaphor at the end. Instead, you could give hints that make it absolutely obvious that you're the paper. For example, you could say "my eyes matched the cerulean bars across the paper" or something to that extent in order to convey ... (more »)

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redhairCat said...
Feb. 25 at 4:14 pm:

The comparison here is great! You told your message so well! Good job!

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MumfordandSons27 said...
Feb. 11 at 7:24 pm:

I really liked your message. Nice metaphor with the paper thing (:

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flanny said...
Jan. 21 at 3:22 pm:

I found this poem very moving and true...people do tend to say things without thinking of the effect it has.

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Kris_10 said...
Jan. 14 at 4:10 pm:

Yeah, I agee with you. It really isnt my best work but thanks for the feedback.

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nmk1128 said...
Jan. 13 at 10:37 pm:

The first part was a little rough, and you seemed to forcibly cut a line that would be better suited as one long line into two or three shorter lines - this kinda ruins the flow. However, your paper anolgy is very interesting and a great device for others to connect with the problems you are facing, although its a nice visual it kind of sounds like an excersice you'd do in guidence class, you know? I'm not sure why I added that, but there you go

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3dancer said...
Jan. 13 at 2:12 pm:

This is really good! It's also incredibly true!! Highschool is the same way for me. I dont know why people tear you down with words and then expect that youre still gonna be friends. It's just wrong. But I loved this poem!

Kris_10 replied...
Jan. 13 at 6:54 pm :

thanks!

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guardianofthestars said...
Jan. 12 at 8:23 pm:

That was an amazing message and amazingly written. 5 stars easy :)

Kris_10 replied...
Jan. 13 at 11:17 am :

Thank you!

Rolledthestone replied...
Jan. 20 at 8:58 pm :

Couldn't find your game point poem on your articles page so I decided to comment on this one. I think it started out good like a ballard or something rhyming abcb but then you switched to free verse and the flow was off. I liked the topic though so working on the rhythm is the main thing, still, an awesome poem.