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Need Love?
December 31, 2008
See it but never feel it.
Get close, only to push it away.
“Don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone”
Epitome of my life.
What is wrong with me?
What makes me so un-lovable?
Can someone remove this defective sign from my forehead,
And replace it with a kiss.
I want more than mediocre.
I want someone to miss.
Do I ask for too much?
Are my requirements unachievable?
My heart remains unconquered, unattained.
I’m tired of fairy tale endings,
Silly thoughts put in my head by unrealistic, but hopelessly believable movies.
They are all the same.
Girl meets boy. Girl messes it up. Boy forgives girl.
Happily Ever After.
At least they let on that relationships have problems.
I want raw, unrelenting love.
The real deal.
No movie, novel, or episode of “Sex and the City” could ever touch.
Left alone, drowning in thoughts,
Who else in the world could need love,
Like I need love?
© Rebecca S., Marblehead, MA
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This article has 885 comments.
psycopathicjuggalette BRONZE said...
on Feb. 18 2010 at 2:09 pm
wow <3 luv it...
meme1016 said...
on Feb. 18 2010 at 9:38 am
So why do people like being on this.
meme1016 said...
on Feb. 18 2010 at 9:33 am
This is awsome
aspiring.author.09 PLATINUM said...
on Feb. 18 2010 at 8:37 am
Very relatable, and overall it is nicely done. A couple suggestions:
1. I know it may not be your style, but I think the poem would be enhanced with a bit of descriptive word choice. I did like the comparisons to fairytales and novels though.
2. Some parts of this were choppy, at least to me. To make it flow better, maybe try breaking up the phrases in different ways, for example instead of -
At least the let on that relationships have problems.
I want raw, unrelenting love.
TRY:
At least they,
let on,
that relationships have problems.
I want raw,
unrelenting,
love.
This puts emphasis on some of the key words, too.
1. I know it may not be your style, but I think the poem would be enhanced with a bit of descriptive word choice. I did like the comparisons to fairytales and novels though.
2. Some parts of this were choppy, at least to me. To make it flow better, maybe try breaking up the phrases in different ways, for example instead of -
At least the let on that relationships have problems.
I want raw, unrelenting love.
TRY:
At least they,
let on,
that relationships have problems.
I want raw,
unrelenting,
love.
This puts emphasis on some of the key words, too.
justlooking said...
on Feb. 18 2010 at 12:36 am
This piece of writing felt extremely cliche to me. Also, it didn't feel like a poem, sort of like it was too forced. "Epitome of my life." Do you mean that it was the high-point of your life, if so then the rest of the poem makes no sense.
hollyhottell DIAMOND said...
on Feb. 17 2010 at 10:46 am
wow!!!!!!!!! this poem goes straigt to the heart.... its the truth that peopel dont want to see. i liked your poem alot...really good.. you should see if you like my stuff
.if.only. said...
on Feb. 16 2010 at 9:30 pm
i enjoyed your poem, i feel the same way, cannn relate(: you amaze me with your words.
ClockworkLightbulb SILVER said...
on Feb. 15 2010 at 2:21 pm
This is amazing. (:
Natalie4ya GOLD said...
on Feb. 12 2010 at 6:47 pm
I totally feel you...
sara.bill said...
on Feb. 10 2010 at 11:48 am
it was interesting
zigzag8982 said...
on Feb. 9 2010 at 6:06 pm
I love this poem.It's exactly how i feel right now in my own life. Totally relate-able. I think we all have days when we feel like this and we just want someone to love us. I think it's just part of our human nature, to love and be loved, even though half the time we don't feel like we're being loved at all. This is an excellent poem. Definitely keep writing :)
JuicyMane said...
on Feb. 6 2010 at 11:37 am
ilovee thiss one .its soo real ,and icann relate to how you feel .iwould love to post thiss on my MySpace pagee !
MusicInMyHeart<3 said...
on Feb. 5 2010 at 5:22 pm
This is so relatable. I understand that feeling of wondering what's so wrong with you that you can't be loved. Me... I wonder what I did wrong to lose the love I have but I know it wasn't me. And it's probably not you either. And I bet when you find someone to love you it'll be the best love you could never dream of. A kind of love that makes you forget about anyone who never loved you. I don't mean to sound cliche but don't give up. There is always a plan... always. And everything will be okay. This is a beautiful poem and it's great that it follow multiple thoughts as though the reader were thinking them not reading them. Good writing.
16 articles 2 photos 350 comments
Favorite Quote:
"People are like tea bags, they don't realize their own strength until they're dropped in hot water "<br /> “People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.<br /> If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway."
gr8!! i cant say more than that..
check out my work.. no body looked at it :(-everybody do so plz-