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A Lonely Rain

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In the steady stillness of rain,
I sit and stare,
solitary, yet for the sudden
Sound of splashing
beneath my window.

Silently I watch,
steadily I wait.
alone I sit
by the window.

As the clouds storm
fury and fear,
my tears slide in unison
with the sky's above
onto my window.

Sighing, I gaze out,
trembling, I muse.
alone I sit
by the window.




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BoosflashThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 27, 2010 at 2:07 pm:
I like this peice or piece-whatever-but what I really like was the ending. it paints-in my head-the illustration that you were waiting in the beggining and you're still waiting in the end and nothings going to give.
 
EdytD replied...
Apr. 27, 2010 at 4:33 pm :
thanks so much!  Yeah, it's almost a continual downpour of wait, of tears, and of...nothing.
 
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Louis This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 6, 2010 at 6:27 am:
Amazing! Bravo! Thanks for reviewing my poetry as well. I look forward to reading more!
 
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Roisin This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 15, 2009 at 2:38 pm:
thia poem makes me smile. that;s really all i have to say -roisin (;
 
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S.E.M This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 7, 2009 at 6:58 pm:
Wow. The first line really draws you in... well done!
 
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BlindSamurai said...
Sept. 6, 2009 at 10:57 pm:
Redundant is certain aspects when you describe your location by the window, but if done as an effect it works well.
The progression of this poem is absolutely beautiful and you almost seem to show more with less when it comes to the idea of falling rain.
The sadness seems sudden at the end maybe the lonelier tone could be better woven throughout the piece but I really loved this, great job!
 
EdytD replied...
Sept. 7, 2009 at 8:26 am :
I used repetition to emphasize the way the narrator is looking out at the world, staring at things, as she sits in a silent house, watching an unmoving world.
You're right that the first two verses are more about loneliness, and the second about sadness. I viewed it a bit as a causal relationship - her loneliness makes her sad, so to speak.
I'm not sure if anyone caught it, but I tried to use alliteration (w/ s's) to show splashing throughout the poem.
Thanks ... (more »)
 
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Passion03 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 6, 2009 at 3:55 pm:
this poem is great
love the use of imagery
the imagery gives it more feeling and makes it easier to relate to
my favorite line is
As the clouds storm/fury and fear
as in your entire poem the imagery is very strong here
nice work!
 
EdytD replied...
Sept. 6, 2009 at 3:59 pm :
Thanks so much!
And btw, sorry for commenting twice on ur poem - my computer glitched.
 
Passion03 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Sept. 6, 2009 at 4:03 pm :
that's alright
 
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Inkspired said...
Aug. 29, 2009 at 3:03 pm:
This is really good, really conveys the emotion and the loneliness. I love the line 'my tears slide in unison/ with the sky's above' too. Very graphic imagery! Love it! ;P
 
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~*The-Broken-Hearted-Girl*~ said...
Aug. 26, 2009 at 2:26 am:
this is really good. i loved it a lot. and thank you for the comments. :)
 
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Wolfayne said...
May 26, 2009 at 6:40 pm:
Oh yeah, and you need to write more stuff! I've been watching you for a montha and a 1/2, but nothng new has come up. I've written at least 1 thing a week for this, but these have been on here a while. Get writing dude!
 
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Wolfayne said...
May 26, 2009 at 2:56 pm:
EdytD, can you show me some of your tricks? You ar the only person other than me who has looked and commented on my work. I work hard but no one ever seems to like my stuff. Please help me!
 
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Sarah B. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 22, 2009 at 3:18 pm:
awesome! I love how you captured the feeling of sadness and depression. I could really feel it. It makes me think of when I'm staring out my own window, and just thinking.
Great job! Can't wait to read some more!
 
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EdytD said...
May 22, 2009 at 1:50 pm:
thank you! I definitely will.
 
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hope.floats said...
May 21, 2009 at 2:30 pm:
very good. keep writing!
 
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Allegra This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 15, 2009 at 2:25 am:
this is really good; i can see your pain. and thanks for your comments :)
 
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RachelW. said...
May 3, 2009 at 3:19 am:
this is really good and keep up the good work. I've posted a new poem.
 
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pinkvolleyballgirl said...
May 3, 2009 at 2:48 am:
I love your poem! It is full of poetic devices, the sign of a true poet. I love using imagery so i love your poem. Keep it up. If u have any spare time, check out
http://www.teenink.com/raw/Poetry/article/100364/iLove/
and
http://www.teenink.com/raw/Poetry/article/88784/Heartbroken/
 
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