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Sometimes
April 25, 2014
Sometimes,
I feel like,
My world is left to burn.
Sometimes,
People say that,
They’re so sorry to learn…
Sometimes,
I hate it,
I hate the growing pain.
Sometimes,
I want to,
Just forget and play again.
Sometimes,
I know that,
What my Mum says is right.
Sometimes,
I wish she,
Could make me believe her fight.
Sometimes,
I get so,
Depressed and weaken.
Sometimes,
I cannot reach,
That hopeful beacon.
And sometimes,
Most times,
I can see my disease spread.
And sometimes,
Most times,
I wish that I was dead.
But sometimes,
Other times,
I hope I’ll pull through.
But sometimes,
Other times,
I’ll do it all for you.
Sometimes,
I try desperately,
To laugh, sing and smile.
Sometimes,
I think,
Maybe if I try for a while...
And, finally, sometimes,
I struggle on for,
Me.
And, finally, sometimes,
I’m selfish,
It’s ME.
© Leighann E., Westport, MA
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This article has 56 comments.
SabrinaFaire SILVER said...
on Jun. 22 2014 at 11:10 pm
I feel the same way. This poem really made me connect with you.
Z.V.Oksana PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 7 2014 at 12:11 am
I really enjoyed reading this :) Simple, yet powerful. That's the kind of poetry I enjoy reading.
TaylorWintry DIAMOND said...
on Jun. 3 2014 at 10:29 am
Meaningful, without so many words. That's really cool on its own. I agree with Love2Read72 that sometimes (rarely) the rhyming seems forced.. I.e. The beacon thing. But, I do like it nonetheless. I've had two women die in my life due to breast cancer within the past year and a half or so, so this really struck me with power. It's good to establish relationships with your readers.
Yeh i hate it when u reply and don't mean to :P thanks for being so kind about it. I agree with you when you say you think it's a bit overdone by the end. Originally, I ended at 'I wish that I was dead' and I thought it didn't drag on, but I wanted to end on a better note so I extended it :) I didn't know about the comma thing, thank you for that :)
I think that the idea behind this is really great. The repetition of the first line starts off as something really clever, but I think the length of each stanza isn't long enough if you're going to do that - it gets just a little bit overdone at the end. Also, some of the comma usage here isn't correct - for example, you usally used it between the second and third lines, such as "I want to,/just forget the pain." The commas after "sometimes" are necessary, but not the others, you know what I mean? Anyways, just some friendly criticism. I really liked this and the emotion behind it is really great. :)
Love2Read72 PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 1 2014 at 12:30 pm
Really good. Sometimes the rhyming seems a little forced, but other than that, I like it a lot. I like the second half of the poem from "And sometimes/Most times,/I can see my disease spread." to the end.
I absolutely love this poem. The repetition helps to keep the poem on track and to show how each of them are linked together. The rhythm is smooth,and not forced, and it has its own sort of tranquil touch even when it is about the emotional turmoil of a person suffering cancer. Around the end you begin to change up the first verse and use it twice before switching, which is a great idea, but would fit better if the whole poem went along with this subtle changing. Would love to read more from you (:
Kestrel135 PLATINUM said...
on May. 31 2014 at 1:31 pm
This was a fantastic poem. It conveyed an illness - cancer? - ailing the character, and it described the hardships of whether or not life is worth fighting for very well. I like the consistent rhyming; it gave it a solid rhythm, and it flowed nicely. On a whole, good job! I really liked it, and even though no one in my family has died of cancer I have friends who have had to deal with someone passing due to it, which makes this very relatable. Even if it isn't cancer, or just any illness, it is even more relatable. Well done!
Sunshine2420 SILVER said...
on May. 31 2014 at 6:39 am
Its pretty nice...I love it!
WinterRose76 SILVER said...
on May. 30 2014 at 12:47 pm
I really like the way you constructed this poem. The short stanzas are catchy and have a seamless flow. Sometimes long poems can be tedious to read, but yours goes by quickly and holds the reader's attention. Great job!
