Reaching Destiny

Today, I sit here stumped.
I try to figure out why my dad drinks,
Why my mom grimps, why does my sister
have to live so far away?
All the questions have an answer, hopefully.
For now I must concentrate on my own ponderous wonders.
Reaching out for God's help everyday.
Trying to reach my destiny.
Trying to fulfill the rest of me.
Outstretching for the best of me.
Losing someone close to me.
Pitty surrounding me, oh how I wish people didn't care.
Didn't show how sorry they were.
Lies spreading like wildfire.
Finding that vengeance helps solve a lot.
Do I please God when I do these actions? No.
The feeling of adrenaline is so addictive though.
Adrenaline in my drug, my only one.
Escaping the logic in front of me.
Curiosity and despair taking over.
Numb to the bone, paralyzed like a stone.
Searching for God's help. Is it too late?