The good: This has a really powerful message, and I really liked it! Good job!
The bad: I think "race" should be on the same line as "saw their anger".
The random: Nice picture choice!
The problem with the "anger" line is that the tempo gets slower...its hard to show that in the writing so I slid it down.
Haha thanks, I try to choose pictures that match. I had some amazing luck with this one.
Wow! I'm impressed. The only problem I had was wih the fifth stanza, it threw me off because it has three lines instead of two. I'm not sure if that was on purpose.
great job. keep writing :)
Yeah, it's on purpose, but I think this is one of the poems that works better when I read it aloud...it's supposed to be read something like this:
But when I noticed the danger (pause)
saw their anger (half pause)
race
So the "race" takes up the second half of the pause, and there is less of a pause between the end of the stanza and the beginning of the next one.
Wow, I clicked on you only to realize that I've commented on this before! I still really like it :)
Great job
Thanks! Sorry for replying so late, I wasn't notified by TeenInk that someone had commented...
I'm really glad you like it! And yeah, siblings can be...tough to keep the peace with.
AsIAm
Eilatan
banangela29
Laughternchoclate
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