Afraid

The truth is that I'm afraid to be happy
because whenever something brings me
any kind of happiness it's snatched away
from me like I don't deserve it.

Maybe thats why I was afraid to love you
because if I did, I just know you would
leave me, like you did. Just walked out of
my life. Like I didn't deserve you.

So I put up a sheild so that I wouldn't get hurt.
the sheild kept out some pain but blocked out everything else
as well. Each smile reflected each kind word rejected.
Up untill no one bothered anymore knowing they wouldn't
be let in. Alone in a world of billons. Silence surrounded by
millons. Soon I mistook the absense of pain for happiness.
Which it kind of is. For if there is no pain you have the chance to be
happy but my sheild blocked out that chance. So I was left empty.
I really did nothing and yet I was guilty. Maybe I deserved it.