Waiting

“Calm down. Ok relax.”
These words have been manipulating my actions for thirty-three days now.
My brain is a scratched record,
repeating, reminding, and controlling.
When my thoughts begin to block out the constant nagging of my sanity,
a bubble forms in my stomach.
As I dream the bubble grows.
Wishes for the impossible clutter my mind.
My heart is so alive, pounding deep in my chest.
No it’s all a lie!
I can’t convince myself this is happening.
Awaiting the inevitable becomes an imaginary burden.
The bubble of excitement implodes and my head is flooded with doubt.
I am being drowned by convincing insecurities.
Rescued by reality, I can breathe again.
“Calm down. Ok relax.”
My brain is a scratched record.