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Blue Eyes
September 12, 2010
I want out
This is done
Can’t believe I thought
You were the one
You turned on me,
I’ll turn on you—
An eye for an eye,
Because yours were blue?
Sky-blue eyes
Meeting earth-brown
Pale white hands
Striking me down
I’ll never forget you,
How your smile set me free
I’ll never forgive you
For the way you used me
Don’t want your excuses—
Your mother this,
Your father that,
I wish you’d just loved me
And left it at that.
© Richard F., League City, TX
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 26 comments.
AlexanderQ GOLD said...
on Dec. 5 2012 at 7:18 pm
The poem flows really beautifully, but I didn't really understand the racism theme until after reading the author's note. However, looking back through the poem I can definitely pick out the parts where you mention it. I really liked it besides that though.
apocalyptigirl BRONZE said...
on Oct. 10 2010 at 3:39 pm
But it is about love. And racism. I didn't want to come right out and be too obvious, or, god forbid, moralizing. I'd rather make the reader think than just tell them what to think, if you know what I mean. :P I do talk about skin color, but it's easy to miss if not read carefully.
NorthernWriter said...
on Oct. 10 2010 at 2:27 pm
The racist theme isn't really that evident. I thought it was about love or something. Try to incorporate the racist theme in there more, which is going to be MIGHTY difficult. The poem's rhyming is good though and if you don't want to add more in about the racist theme, it's fine. It's just kind of a prickly thing and since you're not writing about skin tones, just eye color, it'll be tough.
AvengedJasonFold said...
on Oct. 9 2010 at 12:57 pm
oh yeah we've already been over this lol
wordjunkie BRONZE said...
on Oct. 9 2010 at 9:56 am
hmm. i agree you should stress the racist theme a bit more, its not very obvious when i first read this i really liked it, but i thought it was about a boy who thinks hes better than a girl just because hes hotter. then he kinda just made excuses not to see her because he was embarassed. on second look i can see the racist thing but it takes a little explaining. over all a really good poem.
apocalyptigirl BRONZE said...
on Oct. 7 2010 at 6:48 pm
Yes I know, I was just making a play on words. Lol, what kind of metal fan do you think I am??? ;) My screen name comes from Apocalyptica, teehee...
AvengedJasonFold said...
on Oct. 7 2010 at 5:38 pm
actually the name comes from my fav band Avenged Sevenfold lol
apocalyptigirl BRONZE said...
on Oct. 6 2010 at 7:22 pm
Thanks a lot! :D
HeatherBee BRONZE said...
on Oct. 6 2010 at 6:48 pm
oh, that had really great emotion nd feeling... ur words were, again, spot on. awesomeness!! :]
apocalyptigirl BRONZE said...
on Oct. 6 2010 at 6:46 pm
lol you would, AvengedJasonFold. :)
AvengedJasonFold said...
on Oct. 6 2010 at 6:42 pm
I always think it is xD
apocalyptigirl BRONZE said...
on Oct. 6 2010 at 6:38 pm
No, no, I know, I just thought it would be fun to write something mroe obviously about revenge...
AvengedJasonFold said...
on Oct. 6 2010 at 6:36 pm
I mean it was just a suggestion you don't have to lol I thought that's just what you were getting at in this poem lol
apocalyptigirl BRONZE said...
on Oct. 6 2010 at 6:36 pm
Heh, there really isn't any pattern...I didn't exactly plan anything in terms of rhyme. Did it turn out ABCB? cuz if it did that's complete coincidence. :P
apocalyptigirl BRONZE said...
on Oct. 6 2010 at 6:30 pm
Oh, maybe...the implication is that his parents made him break up with her. Well, whatever, I'll write a revengeful poem later..."I hate you! You evil ex-boyfriend! You are such a wuss! You couldn't take me! And now I'm going to egg your house!" lol :P
AvengedJasonFold said...
on Oct. 5 2010 at 8:17 pm
he's a wuss like that... wouldn't it make the poem more powerful and "revengeful" (don't know the right word for that lol) to include something that characterizes him that way?
apocalyptigirl BRONZE said...
on Oct. 5 2010 at 8:05 pm
well of course not...he just gave in to his parents b/c he's a wuss like that...hmm. she seems more angry and sad than just sad and sad in here...like she wants revenge or is mad at herself as well or something...
AvengedJasonFold said...
on Oct. 5 2010 at 7:55 pm
well racist people aren't worth her time anyway lol
