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"Oxygen"

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Help.
I'm drowning.
My head went under so long ago.
Bubbles of my breath rise to the surface.
You stand there; you observe.
My lungs burn.
The water pressure presses in on me.
The pool has no bottom.
Down I go; the weight of my heavy heart keeps pushing me down.
I'm sinking like a rock in the cold, endless waters.
I bear blue lips.
My hair absorbs the thick chlorine.
My lungs start to give out.
How much longer can I go without you?
Without oxygen?




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dancestar said...
Aug. 16, 2011 at 8:11 am:
amazing...thats all i have to say. truly, i can totally relate, and so i can understand why this poem means so much, keep writing! and plz check out my poems like "Girl Next Door", i think u'll enjoy it. thx!
 
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SpringRayynThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 5, 2011 at 8:25 pm:
I like the image I get when I read this. It's creepy, yet somehow intriguing.
 
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poetofdarknessThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 5, 2011 at 11:49 am:
man that is beyond deep if this site had a video chat link i would have my friends give you a round of applause
 
teenpoet8 replied...
May 5, 2011 at 8:19 pm :
Thanks guys (: i want this poem to get in the mag SO bad!!!!!!!  i'll have to make a forum bout it.  please help me as much as you are willing!!!
 
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bbeast said...
May 4, 2011 at 10:18 pm:
You're right teenpoet. I really do like it. It's got a cool message. You're right about the different interpretations. I like how it's so open.
 
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IamtheshyStargirlThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Feb. 7, 2011 at 5:58 pm:

Interesting but it didn't really move me, I guess I don't relate to it :L

Your writing's really good, though, and I actually rather liked the last two lines :)

 
teenpoet8 replied...
Feb. 7, 2011 at 7:38 pm :
My ending is what i like the most, too.  yes its a love poem...very deep maybe not so easy to understand for others, but thats normal.  lilmartz everyone is going to interpret this in a different way, thats not how i meant it but yeah i guess so.  (:
 
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lilworkerbeee said...
Feb. 7, 2011 at 3:02 pm:
this is amazing!! its so powerful and its personal yet something everyone can relate to. its great!!
 
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timeformetofly7This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Feb. 6, 2011 at 12:09 pm:
Oh my, thats really like, powerfully emotional!! wow, i can really feel what you're sayin.. Amazing job! :D
 
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lilmartz This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 5, 2011 at 6:59 pm:
This is really good! This is just the kind of eerie, dark, twisted poem that I enjoy reading. I'm trying to pick out the part I like best about it, but I can't because I love the whole thing. Nice job :)
 
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RedheadAtHeartThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 5, 2011 at 6:11 pm:

Powerful was my first thought. My two favorite lines are "You stand there; you observe" and "the weight of my heavy heart keeps pushing me down." Nice imagery, blue lips and chlorine in hair, for instance. And it's a great metaphor. :) Nice job.

 

One of my poems is called Pale Blue Satin, in case you'd like to look it up.

 
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xxSlimShadyxx said...
Feb. 5, 2011 at 6:03 pm:

This is wonderful! :]

If you would like to read any of my work, two of the poems I am most proud of are "Ode to Seven" and "Time to Confuse Time" :]

 
teenpoet8 replied...
Feb. 5, 2011 at 7:10 pm :
You guys rock!  keep commenting and i will leave comments on every one of your poems, just tell me what i should read.
 
teenpoet8 replied...
May 4, 2011 at 10:01 pm :
RedheadAtHeart, Pale Blue Satin is one of my faves, and xxSlimShadyxx yours were so interesting!
 
AliceForeverThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
May 5, 2011 at 8:41 pm :
That was great! If anyone wants to check them out, I have three photos and a poem called "Falling."
 
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