Frozen

By kwoodman821, Old Fort, NC

Rain
It freezes
It falls
It’s no longer rain
Not only is it frozen,
It freezes everything around it
Destroying the path that once knew happiness
Destroying the future that once knew joy
Now it only knows ruins and pain
But some see the beauty in this frozen wonderland
Do you?

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scarsonmywrist said...
Dec. 1, 2011 at 8:12 pm:

i like how it talks about the distroction that could as well cause beauty to few

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Matice said...
Nov. 30, 2011 at 9:33 pm:

I liked it. You did a good job. If I can make a suggestion, I think to make it stronger, you could have added a bit of rhyming or rhythm to the phrases. It was chopping (and I like that style) but almost too cut up.

Overall, you did a really good job! Keep writing. You've got some amazing talent.

If you have time, it would mean a lot to me if you could take a look at some of my work. :)

kwoodman821 replied...
Nov. 30, 2011 at 9:37 pm :

i agree, it was kind of choppy haha, i just couldnt really get a rhythm though. i though ti sounded cool in my head, but i guess its hard for others to read it the same way you originally write it. but thank you so much! ill look at your stuff when i get time! =)

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Donahue8 said...
Nov. 30, 2011 at 7:48 pm:

hmmm i like the idea, but what is "the future that once knew joy"?

kwoodman821 replied...
Nov. 30, 2011 at 8:14 pm :

its like the line above it. But... hm, im trying to find a way to describe what i was thinking. Before it was destroyed, there was a clean, happy future that was expected and looked forward to, but then it got destroyed. I hope that kind of answered your question. thank you for feedback! =)