your hand it fits the perfect in mine the world has stopped and so has time cause were in love. kiss goodbye, savor the night. Parting is hard, curse the sun worship the moon. You and I are to good to be true. To think we are invincible, we seem so unbreakable. Cause were in love. Heart swells with joy, breaks with sorrow. When you walked away from my life, away from us. She came into the picture, she took you away. To think we were so invincible, we were so unbreakable. Cause we were in love... In love... I wanna hear you say, you need me. Like you used to before she came. Things have changed, everything but my feelings for you. We used to be so invincible, to think we were unbreakable. Cause we were in love.. So in love..
IamtheshyStargirl
So, this is how I think it could be better written, (remember, this is not the only, or even the best way of writing it, this is just my way of making is clearer. It should flow better as well)
'Your hand fits *perfectly in mine
The world has stopped
And so has time
'Cause we're in love
Kiss goodbye, savor the night. Parting is hard, curse the sun worship the moon
You and I are too good to be true.
We think we are invincible,
We ... (more »)
Really amazing! you were able to portray your emotions very well i like how u kepp repeating how u were in love
Mike6546This is good, you communicate the emotions really well
savetheplanetIt has good flow that could be improved with stanzas. The punctuation is a nice touch. :D
swifthearthNice poem, your fomatting could be improved. Nice word choice and flow.
thanks guys i really appriciate your commenting:)
Join the Discussion
This article has 6 comments. Post your own!