Badly Enough

I don't actually remember
if I was next to you,
or if I was small in the corner
(where I found I liked--invisible)

But she said things
andyousaidthings
and
shesaidthingsandyousaidthingsand
you smiled--just smiled.
No!
You
smiled.

And from my hiding place
(whatever was infrontorbackortomysides)
I wondered--
I wanted
to be able to make you smile that way
too

But certainly
I have only indulged myself
in pursuing deliberately,
something other--
your lips
curled in what sadness.