You see the cheese cracker in your hand before its consumed. Each bite i take its for you. The hurt knowing you and i will never be the same i cant contain so i try to eat it away. Each bite and chew is the love i once had for you but as i eat away the feelings for you are the same. I eat and eat and gain and gain but each time my heart continues to aches. So explain to me what am i going to do. Sooner or later my heart going to burst with all these feeling i have for you??
Indiewriter
This is by far my favorite poems of yours! It has a really nice pattern and rythm. It flows really well! You should definately write more poems like this one.
--indiewriter
Thank you this is one of my favorites as well. I just happen to be eating cheese crakers wishing that my crush would notice me when i came up with it. I got over him luckly. But im not going to lie im glad i crushed on this guy most of my best work came out it :)
XweienXGreat meaning overall. What I would suggest is adding commas where needed or split the poem into lines.
Eg.
Each bite and chew
is the love i once had for you,
but as i eat away,
the feelings for you are same.
Also, i think there is a grammar mistake in the last sentence, "Sooner or later my heart (is) going to burst..."
Still, great job on the poem! :)
Eg.
Each bite and chew
is the love i once had for you,
but as i eat away,
the feelings for you are same.
Also, i think there is a grammar mistake in the last sentence, "Sooner or later my heart (is) going to burst..."
Still, great job on the poem! :)
Thank you. Espically for the advice about the commas and the is. But when i wrote it at the time i was wasnt thinking is i was thing going so after reading it and adding the is it made more sense. :)
Rocker_Girl_SilentChaosYour writing is really good, you should keep writing :D
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