Compulsion.

Addiction, compulsion, infatuation, craving, dependence, habit.
Very bad habit.
You know though, don't you?
You have to.
You know it's destroying you, little by little.
Breaking down everything you've ever built up.
You see the looks.
You hear the questions.
You don't care.
Kill yourself slowly.
Push everyone around you away.
For what?
A temporary high with a permanent crash.
A feeling of dauntlessness.
You hear the voice inside your head telling you it's okay?
It's not.