Losing

the words everyone whispers about you
leave toxic residue on my skin
because I know of their truth
so even if you reached out to me now,
I'm afraid I couldn't touch you without
burning you

this was so slow that it didn't even
feel like losing you
just breathing less
of the same air

until, all at once, I realize
that my days are filled with
pink rain
you know nothing of

I forget you in categories
first – favorite color
holiday
animal
tv show

then your birthday
the code to your garage
the place where you hide the spare key
your mom's cell phone number

I'm not sure that you notice,
but that may be because you too are forgetting,
filling the mold everyone expects you to

somewhere I am still
laughing with you on the bus
and trying to reassure you that
you don't sound like a seal when you cough
(even though you do)

but right here
right now
I stand in the middle of the hallway
alone,
wishing I was brave enough
to remind you