Eat You Alive

It fun to chant, the candy lips reminds me a bit of Halloween though. Other then that I think its awesome. Nice short and to the point.

Very interesting! This is well-written and definitely original. I would be interested to know what the inspiration for this was! I like the skulking, almost dark energy that is present throughout the poem. The only thing that I would change would be the repetition of "eat you alive" at the very end. I think that ending with "my cannibal hunger" is more powerful, but it is still great either way. Kudos!

Hey, thanks for the feedback! I agree that there are definitely a few errors within the piece (an example being "trash" instead of "thrash") and I really do love the advice (trust me, I could use the help I get). Tiwaz: I must admit that it would be pretty fun to steal a congressman's shoes and run off to Costa Rica. It's nice and warm there. Of course, one cannot forget to bring along a yorkie! There're so cute! However, my dad still calls them furry rats! Thanks for the advice :)

First of all, this is a wonderful poem and I love its simplicity, but I've just got a couple suggestions. I'm gonna go ahead and apologize for going on and on.

 

In the 2nd line, I don't really like the word "bite", because it puts this goofy image in my head of someone doing a Pac-Man motion on a dog bone. I know the alliteration is nice, but I would suggest another word, maybe "lick", "gnaw", or "chew"

 

Secondly, instead of "you won't succeed", how abo... (more »)