Never Just a Dog

I remember how fourteen months ago life was good.
You and I just a part of it.
I remember the nights were long and the morning sun was strong.
I remember waking up just at the peak of day wishing that life could stay the same.
I remember thinking you would always be there when I came home after school. Waiting for a pet on the head or a tummy rub.
I remember walking past you thinking you were just a dog.
I could have thought something different.
Just one pet on the head would that have made a difference? I could have made and effort.
But of course, I didn't.
Because you were just a dog.

And I remember the day you got sick. And I brushed it off as nothing.
Until the bump appeared on your side and I couldn't ignore it anymore.
I remember thinking that you would pull through, that you would be the same old you.
But I knew it was a matter of time before it ran out.
And from that day on, I promised never to take you for granted.
Despite old age and pain you couldn't say you were in, we managed.
I remember walking with you every night, despite the time you wanted to go, so how could I say no?
You seemed to enjoy those walks when the owls were just waking up and the frogs were singing a melody of summer bells. When the wind would blow you breathed in the deepest. I wondered what you though if you knew, just how much I loved you? So How could I think you were just a dog?
I thought you were fine when you were your old self again. Playing ball, rolling over just like the Maisy I knew did. You were playful and loving and obviously not just a dog.
But I was wrong. And another bump appeared right on your tummy. And soon you would be gone. I wonder what you thought when you heard me say, Your just a dog. Did you know that I was wrong?

When you could barely move some days, I brought you your food and fed you piece by piece so you would eat. You would lick my fingers to find the crumbs and then you'd lay right back down.
And when I could, I brought you bread and you ate that until you fell asleep. Often I watched you sleep and only then did you look at peace. And still I knew time was short.
I remember wanting to stop time just for a little while because I couldn't stop thinking about when you are gone .
Who would I walk?
Who would wait for me after school?
Who would share the other side of that peanut butter sandwich?
Who would fill your space?
When you are gone .
So tell me now, future self, was she just a dog?

I remember waking up in the middle of the night to hear you whimper.
I'd sneak out of my room and the clock would catch me.
Tick. Tick. Tick. Stop. Stop. Stop.
And I'd want to run back to my room but I couldn't because you
needed me. Your tail would thump when I'd open the gate and I couldn't believe you still wanted to see me. Hadn't I abandoned you all these years? Always saying you were just a dog?
But it didn't matter because you never abandoned me.
Not once. Not when I needed you or when I needed someone to listen. Back then You weren't just a dog.
So I'd stay until you fell asleep. And I'd lay right next to you like I used too.
And some nights I'd just sit there and wonder where did the time go?
Why did you get so sick so fast?
How much more could this last? When I wanted you to be out of pain, but I couldn't bare to lose you?
Who would I love?
Who would be there?
Who would need me?
When you are gone.
Why were you just a dog?

On the days it would rain and the thunder would boom, I would roll the ball to you and you would stare at it.
It used to be your favorite, don't you remember?
You, me and the ball used to play for hours at a time in the backyard. Until it would get so dark the ball would be lost in the grass and you would be the one to retrieve it.
But that was long ago in a past that used to be easier.
I remember that you used to hate fireworks and I hated it too because it would scare you.
I remember so many things we used to do instead of watching all those lights in the sky.
You would protect me from the bad things in the closet when I was little. And I would protect you from the loud noises.
We were a team defending each other as only dog and girl could.
But that was when you weren't just a dog. You were everything to me back then. When the bullies would say things, you were my laughter, my joy, my shoulder to cry on. You weren't just a dog.
Who would defend me from the shadows in the dark?
Who would need my comforting when the noises became to much?
Who would watch over me as I slept?
When you are gone?

When it got worse and you couldn't eat, I knew time was about to close.
I wasn't ready to say good-bye but I just couldn't let you suffer.
So I took you for one last ride. I loaded up the wagon and pulled you all around the neighborhood.
I remember thinking how I would need you.
How I couldn't let you go.
How I wish I would have been a better friend.
But I remembered to, how I thought you were just a dog.
I never knew just how wrong I was.

And on that last day, I took you down and I promised I would stay. Tears slid down my cheeks and you just stared at me. I wondered what went through your mind but then again I just don't want to know.
As you breathed in and out those last few times each breath more quieter then the last, I whispered in your ear,
"You were never just a dog."