I'd Miss

If I had to leave this earth,
my heart would beat faster in objection
and cling greedily to the golden memories
savoring the moments before death’s interception.

I’d miss the little things:
Books. Midnight swims. Strawberry cheesecake.
Autumn leaves crunching beneath my feet.
Dreaming while I’m wide awake.
Watching an ant carry ten times its weight.
Warm socks, fresh out of the dryer.
Eavesdropping on two birds chatting away.
Watching a dandelion seed fly higher and higher.
Waking up to the sunlight tickling my face.

I’d miss the bigger things:
Reading my best friend’s mind.
The endless possibilities of an empty canvas.
The warmth of my mother’s smile.
The dozen shades of blue in my father’s eyes.
Being visited by a sweet memory
The hope saturated in the word “tomorrow”
Witnessing an unexpected act of humanity
Hearing the words “I love you”

But there are things I wouldn’t miss:
Black jelly beans. Cinnamon flavored gum.
Making my bed and doing the dishes.
Moving my feet after they’d gone numb.
The bitter taste of medicine and insults.
The echoing sound that goodbyes make.
The pain of loving, but not loving enough.
Carrying the heavy weight of my every mistake.
Going to sleep with a heavy heart.

I wouldn’t miss seeing evil in its different shapes:
The purple bruise on a wife's face.
The fingers that pull the trigger of a gun.
The loss of innocence in a child's gaze.
The bombs that fall from cowardly planes in the sky.
The smoke that veils the sun above a factory,
or the litter that smothers the pulse of an ocean.
The fatal diseases. Racism. Poverty.
Being judged for what I am, but not who I am.

If the colors faded away beneath the darkness,
I would miss the ones who colored in
the gaps of my life with bright laughter and happiness,
and hope that maybe I too, would be missed.