A Rough Estimate is All I'm Asking For

I wonder just how long
this can go on
how many more bombshell days
and silent, turbulent breakdowns
both unseen and alone
until I can no longer
convince myself that
“it will all be ok”?

how many more papers marked
up in red ink and cold shame
overbearing teachers who’ve
forgotten the teen struggle
until I graduate to
what they call “life”?

how many more blank faces
awkward silences and eyes
with no promises, no doors
until I meet someone
who gives me the laughter
that I so desperately need?

how many more, I wonder
until I am defeated by this world
and move on to the next