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Time and Life

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The world turns
And time flies
The weather changes
And we lives our lives
People enter
People leave
So much happens in between

Love is found
Hatred is discovered
Jealousy finds us
Our true selves uncovered

Lives twist
Destinies turn
Dreams come alive
Goals burn

Time is indifferent
It will never change
But life happens
In its wide range




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SaphiraBrightscalesThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Feb. 10 at 12:12 pm:
I think you don't need to stretch anything. It's perfect the way it is 'cause in less words it encompasses a lot. Plus it is does have cliches but I guess that's the beauty of it as "Time and Life" is expressed beautifully. On the whole I liked it. Could use a bit more editing.
 
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PaigeStreetThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 4 at 12:07 am:
On a more technical note, the verb phrase "come alive" could be replaced by something else to better fit the pattern of "twist, turn, burn" which sort of looks like something/someone getting destroyed/glowing in fire. Also "dreams come alive" is a bit of a cliche, whereas "goals burn," for example, is really original. Other cliches here include "world turns, time flies, love is found, time is indifferent" I don't think these all need to go, b... (more »)
 
OldYoungOneThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 4 at 2:40 pm :
I have agonizing trouble with lengthing my poem because I can't seem to stretch what I'm trying to say further. I try but sometimes the words don't come. I agree I felt I should have made thsi longer but my mind gives out. As for the common cliches I see your point and I'll consider it when I revise this one
 
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PaigeStreetThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 4 at 12:03 am:
My only wish is that it was longer! This is my favorite so far of your pieces. While it doesn't offer much in the the way of poetic diction, it has very strong music. Do you perform your pieces? This has really powerful rhythm. 
 
OldYoungOneThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 4 at 2:38 pm :
I sometimes do and don't simply because I lack such presence with my short simple poems.
 
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Zoya_KhanThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jan. 7 at 6:24 am:
This is really very nice :) :) :)
 
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