All the things I never said

I want to say you smell good,

and that the way the light reflects in your eyes makes me feel like I can see you all the way through.

I want to say that you're all I think about,

or at least maybe nintey percent.

I want to say you see me inside out,

that you've picked up everything I lost and brought it back to me,

slowly made me whole again.

I want to say I write for you.

I want to say that number 100 isn't you,

but I would be lying. I want to say I can't lie

but I can.

I want to say the rain will stop and the clouds will lift and the sky won't be hollow,

that the roller coaster will end and I can breathe again.

I want to say my heart won't beat out of my chest

and that I could be something beautiful.

I want to say the lightning doesn't scare me.

There's a world below me but I can't fall

because gravity's a b****,

and I'm balanced on a wire that I'm sure doesn't exist.

I want to put the words together, I want to make things fit,

I want to know the order of the world.

I want to say I love you, but of course I can't

It's up there with mermaids and rainbow swedish fish

and other things I don't know if I believe in.

I want to scream at them and seize the sparkles from their eyes

and tell them I am happier than they will ever be.

I want to dye my hair and pierce my lip

and be loved unconditionally,

all the things they never let me do.

I want to say I told you so,

trust me

I believe in you

You selfish little w****

Marry me.

I want to say you are the first to notice things

I never go through the middle

First to hear my voice

First to make things make sense.

I want to say you make me remember why I believe in love so fiercely.

I want to thank you for the mess we've made

the dragons we fought

the walls we broke through,

because at the end of the day that's all I can do,

because you and I don't really exist.