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Criticism
July 14, 2013
Your writing is choppy,
It lacks a good flow.
Your rhyming is useless;
It's pointless you know.
Your stanzas are long,
And grammatically incorrect.
Your plot is so boring,
I can't stay erect.
You can't count your syllables,
Haikus are a chore.
Your characters are adolescent.
Don't give me anymore!
Though... your story was okay.
I mean, all in all.
Your stanzas were descriptive,
And left me in awe.
Your writing kind of represents,
the vast and stormy seas.
And poems don't necessarily,
have to rhyme with ease.
Adolescent characters,
They're everywhere I look.
And maybe, just maybe,
Yours would make a good book.
© Michael H., Mildford, CT
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 46 comments.
Amaranthinium GOLD said...
on Aug. 3 2013 at 12:46 pm
I like this poem! Ironically, your rhyming is very useful, and the writing has a very good flow :D I love the change in attitude halfway through, too. It definitely shows the frustration that misguided criticism can create, and is a good reminder, I think, to be positive and such about other people's work. Keep writing poems!
Superhero_Fan SILVER said...
on Aug. 1 2013 at 9:56 am
Thank you so much! You have no idea how much that means to me! I appreciate you taking the time to read it. :)
Superhero_Fan SILVER said...
on Jul. 31 2013 at 2:07 pm
Thanks, Sophi! I'm glad you liked it! :)
Superhero_Fan SILVER said...
on Jul. 31 2013 at 2:06 pm
Thank you, Krasota! I'm glad you liked it!
Superhero_Fan SILVER said...
on Jul. 31 2013 at 2:05 pm
Thanks for the advice, Alon! I'll remember that. Thank you for reading this, and being specific about it! :)
Superhero_Fan SILVER said...
on Jul. 31 2013 at 2:03 pm
*lightbulb flashes above head* Ohhhh! Thanks for clearing that up! I'll keep that in mind as I revise! :)
Superhero_Fan SILVER said...
on Jul. 31 2013 at 2:01 pm
That's okay! Sometimes it's hard for me to figure out what people are talking about on this site, because I'm not talking to them face to face. You know what I mean? So, I think we both understand each other now! Thank you. ;)
Superhero_Fan SILVER said...
on Jul. 31 2013 at 1:58 pm
Thank you E.J.! I appreciate you taking the time to read this; Thanks for looking at a poem!
sophistryxo SILVER said...
on Jul. 31 2013 at 11:35 am
This is so creative! I love it!!! Great job I have no criticisms!
Carpe-Caffeam GOLD said...
on Jul. 31 2013 at 11:03 am
YES! I was finally able to access this (teenink gave me a "fatal error" page or a blank one every time I tried. I like your original outlook on things; it's really refreshing. Overall, awesome job! :D
writefearless SILVER said...
on Jul. 31 2013 at 10:53 am
well, yes. i totally agree. did i really sound as if i am anti grammar and structure? lol. if so, i'm sorry. i didn't mean that. i guess i was just a bit careless about how i constructed my words. thanks :)
A really clever, unique poem. As a couple of others have mentioned, it needs some cleaning up. I think it doesn't flow very well - try to cut down some unnecessary words. For example, instead of "They're everywhere I look", just "Everywhere I look". You don't need to refer to the previous line - the reader assumes you're still talking about it. All in all, great stuff - keep writing!
WriteOrWrong BRONZE said...
on Jul. 30 2013 at 8:33 pm
I meant cleaner, just like cleaning it up. When I say that I mean just sweeping and dusting away te unnecessary in order to make the beautiful parts of the poem shine even brighter. Just tr to think about exactly what you want to say so you can express it in a better way.
E.J.Mathews GOLD said...
on Jul. 30 2013 at 8:32 pm
I really liked this poem! It was very clever, and it caught my attention, which is something poems almost never do with me. Great work!
Superhero_Fan SILVER said...
on Jul. 30 2013 at 6:20 pm
Thank you! But, what did you mean by 'cleaner and more focused'? Like, clearer? Or something else? Thank you again, WriteOrWrong!
WriteOrWrong BRONZE said...
on Jul. 30 2013 at 4:12 pm
Quite clever! I thought that this was a good representation of when rhyming doesn't get in the way. I would just suggest retreading to make it cleaner and more focused. I really liked this, it was very unique. The beginning was a bit humorous. It sort of reminds me of Roald Dahl for some reason but I couldn't say why.
Superhero_Fan SILVER said...
on Jul. 30 2013 at 2:44 pm
Thank you, Fearless! I'm glad you liked it! Just keep in mind that, by no means, was I trying to come accross as if grammar and structure aren't important! They are needed, it's just that some writing styles use different types. Like, while one poet might rhyme, another one might have a better poem that doesn't rhyme. Okay, I'll end this comment now. Thanks again!
writefearless SILVER said...
on Jul. 30 2013 at 12:20 pm
this is a very good work. correct me if i'm wrong but i mean, with the first part, the persona only criticized the form and structure but at the part when it says "all in all" it turned out to be special. i think that it only means that what matters most is the meaning and thought behind every poem regardless of grammar, structure, etc. :)
