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Just to Let You Know MAG
Your butchering words
In the beginning
Went through my head
As a child who listens
To every word you say
Your constant sarcasm
Your words which
I thought were the truth
The never giving up
Just to let you know, Dad
Those butchering words
To me are now worthless
For I know now
It was only your sickness
© Anonymous
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 352 comments.
Realist said...
on Oct. 27 2010 at 8:48 am
Yes, pointing out the idiocracy of you proofreading my comment a poetry thread..I'm hurt so strongly,your butchering words hurt me so
Femme-Fatale GOLD said...
on Oct. 27 2010 at 6:10 am
Look whose being sensitive! haha, honestly, if you aren't willing to have your opinion challenged, then don't post your opinion. I thought that was the point of this website, to share writing, thoughts, and discuss things. Please tell me if I'm wrong, I would probably take your word for it.
As for pain and love, yes, they are very used, because they are very easy to write about, people feel them often. Her work doesn't need to be unique, it needs to be hers. That's the distinctive quality of it, that its hers and no one else's I'm not trying to condone you or mock you, that's just my opinion, and all of my opinions are strong-willed, like the rest of me. Sorry if i've offended.
Femme-Fatale GOLD said...
on Oct. 27 2010 at 6:05 am
I agree, LilBenj, I wanted to read more. It was a little bit choppy for me, but a great beginning, I wanted to be immersed in the descriptive writing I know was just waiting there.
And I'm cool, haha, I get that its a poem, I just wanted to express my opinion, I'm new to TeenInk so I'm probably getting it all wrong, however I'm having fun while doing so. Thanks Realist and LilBenj and apocalypticgirl, this was a great debate :)
fatesknocking GOLD said...
on Oct. 25 2010 at 6:41 pm
Beautiful poem. I can relate. Stay strong.
Jacson said...
on Oct. 25 2010 at 3:30 pm
Great job!!! this is very good on many levels and altough being sad it is still inspiring
Jackson Gooey said...
on Oct. 25 2010 at 3:29 pm
This is very deep and sad but still inspiring.
Cool down, kids. It's a poem. I agree the subject matter is a little over-used, but that's because it's a perfectly common human emotion/set of circumstances. I do agree, though, that I would like to see more development in this poem - I see it has great potential, and that it is sincere, but it hasn't quite blossomed into the poem it could be.
Realist said...
on Oct. 25 2010 at 8:45 am
Congratulations on realizing that I had a typo on a feed on a website. Where grammar really matters. Realize that I'm challenging her approach to the subject matter, people talk about love, people talk about pain, what makes her circumstance separate from all the other ones. Which is why I put quotations around "dad", because who knows, maybe its a metaphor, which is what I am hoping, because in that case maybe the meaning is more than what I thought it was. People be less sensitive, the website is for criticism, and frankly you decide everything is great, because then nothing is. Whoops, ended that one with a preposition.
Femme-Fatale GOLD said...
on Oct. 25 2010 at 6:37 am
First off, as as grammatical note, its "per se" and the fact that you used [the wrong] quotes around the word 'Dad' shows that you honestly haven't gotten the grasp of the poem. Its fine to give constructive criticism, however you gave criticism on the emotional subtext, not on the poem itself, and that really just doesn't work. If you find the subject matter 'overused' and 'cliched', then you should realize that the reason it seems overplayed is because too many people are victimized by their parents, this author was abused by their father. This author was not trying to emulate any other person, they were trying to find healing through relatable words to come to terms with the emotional tole their dad took on them. Criticise all you want, but keep it to the structure of the poem, not the emotional subject matter. And btw, I'm a realist too, don't hide behind a cliche of a label.
Femme-Fatale GOLD said...
on Oct. 25 2010 at 6:31 am
You may disagree, but its their father who wasn't supportive. as awful a concept as it is, not everyone's fathers are as loving and understanding as yours is, and you're gifted to have such a good parent. this person, unfortunately, didn't
PoetryButterfly123 said...
on Oct. 15 2010 at 7:30 am
I love your poem. I can really relate to you. i guess not all dads are supportive. I have poems posted that are about my dad...maybe you can check them out....if you want.
poeticraze BRONZE said...
on Oct. 3 2010 at 8:38 pm
Lovee it ! ~ (Weezy from Dragon tales voice)
Writer4Life_21 SILVER said...
on Oct. 3 2010 at 5:58 pm
I love your honest feelings. keep writing!
Realist said...
on Sep. 12 2010 at 7:38 pm
I apologize for offending you, but I believe these comments are to help the growth of a writer. If I were to post my writings on here I would appreciate real criticism. Not people telling my I am great because lets be honest most people aren't and very few can control. I wasn't critisizing the subject matter perse but more the way it was used was incredibly plath like. Specifically the use of "butchering" and making it known that her "dad" was the subject of so much torment. I didn't tell her she was a terrible writer, or that she was a bad person. I said that she has pretty good control of the language, and that the greatest a poem like this can be is limited, because of the subject matter. Use conceit, stronger language, instead of worthless, evoke images. Thats all I am saying. I wasn't being a jerk, I was trying to be constructive. I am sorry that I don't tell everyone that they're the best writer ever. I am a realist.
apocalyptigirl BRONZE said...
on Sep. 11 2010 at 9:50 pm
You see, there's this thing called "voice." People will write differently on threads than they will for pieces. It's conversational, not serious, like how people talk a certain way and write papers for English class the "correct" way. Stop being so prescriptivist.
BrightBurningCampeador PLATINUM said...
on Sep. 11 2010 at 7:37 pm
Wow, really powerful. I can totally relate. I can substitute so many names for "Dad" to make me feel like it's about me.
apocalyptigirl BRONZE said...
on Sep. 11 2010 at 7:04 pm
Wow "Realist," is it not possible that someone could have felt the same way as Sylvia Plath? Doesn't the greatest poetry appeal to a wide range of people? What if this person has never even heard of Plath? Plus, Plath's dad died when she was 8. I agree that there were aspects of the poem that could have been better---but to criticize the writer for the subject she chose? A subject that is obviously very important and emotional to her? You're a je.rk. Who the hel are you to tell people what they can and can't write about?
