When I Look Inside

I wish to have been born a cloud

But I was conceived by humans,
Wearing a skin of flaws
The philosophers say
You have to look inside yourself to find the answers
So I slide into my throat

I float around, amazed at my internal organs

Cells whisper
Into my ears,
Reminding me of who I’m not
I crawl away into my heart and I find a desk and chair,
So I try to write a letter,
Ease the pain of thoughts
But the ink crawls up my skin,
Tattooing me in thorny scrawls
I try to run away,
Veins wrap around my arms
I try to push the door open
But it pushes right back
So I wrap my arms around my knees
And I just sit there and I scream
The pounding of my heart gets louder
Like a toddler beating a drum
So loud is that drum,
I have to unwrap my arms and cover my ears
I stop screaming and scrunch my face in anguish
I think that toddler is mighty strong
And then it gets quiet
It’s like I’m in the center of a jellyfish ­umbrella
And I just sit

Half awed
Half afraid
Because I know,
No matter how long I sit there,
I’m never going to find out who I am