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Knowing Nothing of This ’Til Then MAG
I was younger then, but only by months.
Curiosity settled unbearably throughout my limbs
And I waited
Patiently for you to carry yourself down wooden stairs
Rightleftright – my ear against olive-colored carpet
To make sure that coast was clear
Hands resting on hinge of drawer and pulling
I reached inside, ransacked and shifted through its contents
And uncovered your thoughts in journal form (success)
I remembered then how embarrassment
Burnt my cheeks red
Everything you said when you found the
Monster I had hidden in the sheets beneath my bed
And I recalled your tears
The shape your body took, fetally curled
With your knees against your chest
You wept endlessly.
Fearing flood or revenge
I tossed and turned that night, grasping the fact
That I had failed you and again –
When I opened that leather cover and divulged
Your evenly spaced print to my eyes and that entry
I had watched you record on blue printed lines
Night prior, before dark, before saying
“Sharpen this, please!” in an angry tone
From across the hall and again –
With a clean-cut graphite tip you wrote
“October twenty-second …”
In the uppermost corner and proceeded with
“My Journal, I have never felt so alone …”
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This article has 285 comments.
I had to read it twice. But I often find that with some of the more meaningful and complex poetry does that to you:) VERY nice work, and i give you credit for expressing your feelings so freely and admitting that you were wrong and sorry. It was very nice. I can DEFFINITELY relate...my mother read my diaries. I was soooo hurt, so embaressed, felt so betrayed and alone, disgusted and hurt. Journals/diaries are the most private and personal things. I had been collecting diaries since i could write, and i have been through a lot. I had about 13 of them filled and still being continued...that day when she came home with my diary she marked about 10 things on every page telling me to "go look at what i wrote." NEVER had i felt more betrayed. Ever, ever ever. It was terrible. I cried and cried and shredded my diary into pieces. Every single last page, and left it in a pile. Her reaction? She laughed in my face and told me it was fine, she didn't care, and that she had already made 2 coppies at work. I was mortified, disgusted. Angry and confused. Why? The next day she sent me away to live with my gramother 35 minutes away. I snuk every last one of my diaries away with me and spent day after day shredding them into microscopic pieces of confetti. Crying the entire time. When all was said and done. I threw them away, and glanced down at my now clistered fingers from such use of the scissiors agains paper. That was the least of my worries. To this day i am deeply saddened. Those diaries meant everything to me. One of the few things i have left from my childhood. I had spent hours, nights on end line after line, page after page. They were more important to me than anything. I've never gotten over it. I wanted to take them with me when i was older, i planned on keeping them with me forever. They're gone forever. And so is every last thought and emotion i leaked into them.
Sorry this was so long. I just wanted to share with you my story of how that happened to me and how bad it hurt me.
I give you TREMENDOUS credit and am very, i don't know, thankful for such a meaningful poem. And the fact that you were TRULY sorry. That means a lot. Fantastic work:)
okay just read a load of comments and i really dont understand why so many people dont get it or think its a novel :S its fab, if u dont get it read it again, thats what i did :D
really well written :)
It did take some understanding but it wasn't all that confusing.
All in all, an excellent poem.
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