Teen Ink

My limited experience with Happy Madison, Adam Sandler’s production company, has not been pleasant. For ­example, “Click,” with its ­juvenile humor and manipulative plot, tops my list of worst films of all time. So when my friends dragged me to Happy Madison’s latest feature, “The House Bunny,” my instincts told me to bail.

I should have listened to my instincts.

“The House Bunny” follows Shelley (Anna Faris), a Playboy Bunny who has just been kicked out of the mansion. In search of a new home, she finds a pair of college sororities: ­Zeta, a small group of unattractive misfits looking for enough pledges to keep their house; and Phi Iota Mu, a large, pop­ular sorority whose house mother and leader seek to destroy Zeta because its members are … unattractive misfits.

After she is rejected by Phi Iota Mu, Shelley agrees to help the Zeta girls become more ­attractive and popular so they can gain pledges. By the end of the movie, Shelley and the girls learn that appearances aren’t everything and you should be who you are.

Where do I begin?

First, let’s examine the main problem with the plot: the antagonists. In order for a story to be plausible or intriguing, both the protagonist and antagonist must have a reasonable motivation. Here the protagonists’ ­motivation makes sense, but it’s not clear why the members of Phi Iota Mu want to demolish Zeta. Sure, they might not look like … well, like Playboy Bunnies, but that makes them less threatening. Phi Iota Mu has nothing to gain from Zeta’s downfall and nothing to lose from its uprising, so how are we supposed to believe these characters?

The most insulting aspect of the film is its message. Besides being cliched, it’s hypocritical; the film exploits the heck out of the same chauvinist views it condemns. By the time Shelley proclaims that appearances don’t matter, dozens of impossibly “attractive” characters and walk-ons have already pranced around in skimpy outfits onscreen for 90 minutes. In addition, the only characters who don’t look like Playboy Bunnies are automatically typecast as hideous wildebeest until Shelley makes them over to look like every other plastic runway model in the movie.

I kept asking myself, “Is there anyone in this movie who looks normal?” The attempt at a message almost seemed more like an excuse for the filmmakers to say, “We didn’t just make a piece of superficial garbage filled with unrealistic swimsuit models! We think brains and personality are important too!” Don’t believe it for a second.

Now, you may be thinking, This is a comedy. It’s just supposed to be funny! And you’re right – but this movie isn’t funny. All the jokes were written only to confirm either that Shelley is as vain and stupid as Paris Hilton and Jessica Simpson combined (imagine an entire movie of “I don’t eat buffalo” jokes), or that the girls of Zeta are hideous and unpopular. Believe me when I say that these jokes are not funny. Clichéd? Sure. Superficial? Definitely. Stereotypical? You bet. But not funny.

Happy Madison pictures just keep getting worse and worse. You definitely won’t see me at the next one.