Welcome to June 1, 2013; a day that for some presents a classic summer morning to sleep-in and for others indicates another trudge in the long fought battle to move up in life from mere serfs to the more formidable title of “college graduates.” I introduce to you another SAT testing day; a moment that brings out (without fail) the worst in teenagers or—as they would likely prefer to be named—“young adults.” Woe is the future. Yes, we’ve been told.

Back to our scene though:

It is 7:40 am. Diligent little students sit and stand outside of the designated testing center of their choice, impatiently awaiting the moment when the doors will open. In the meantime, they wait out the passing minutes by committing the ultimate teenage crime of insincerity: talking.

Like a quintessential scene from the ever-quotable Mean Girls, the students have pre-organized themselves into groups of semi-compatibility as a few quiet observers stand on the fringe, merely listening to the increasingly pathetic conversations. The distinct classifications around the waiting area are simple to distinguish by their markings. A shirt emblazoned with the name of a private school, underlined by a lacrosse logo: jocks. Girls still clad in pajamas or sweatpants: the “I hate this so much I need to be in my zone” group (others will join them momentarily with Styrofoam soft drink cups in hand). The kid who stands alone waiting with his or parent who stands, armed crossed, looking out at the desert of teens, seeing them as competition for their child-genius.

To the left you observe a quick reunion of two people who have not seen each other since third grade when they went to school together. They were “like definitely best friends back then,” though, naturally it took them ten minutes standing side by side to get up the guts to ask if it was actually that same person from way back when.

Shifting attention back to the matter at hand, one focuses in on the actual meat of the conversations. Suddenly, the more ridiculous side of the young academics emerge.

Call: What have you been up to?

Response: OMG. I could not believe it, but I actually ended with all As last semester. And I even had Ms./Mr. XYZ for AP life and all honors classes too.

Situation 2:

Call: I think I am most worried about the writing section.

Response: OMG. DO NOT worry about it. I got a 10 last time. All you need to do is make up a touching story or quote a bunch of facts. They totally don’t care if it is true or not.

Response: (what I heard) OMG. I can’t believe you are worried about the section that I like totally did the best in. And I mean, even though I am a junior in high school who has never applied to college let alone gotten into college let alone written a college paper, I totally know precisely what SAT readers are thinking as they fawn over my essay containing large amounts of made-up crap.


In the next minutes and in the time to follow spent in line, one can continue to hear the low chirping of students subtly bragging about themselves and their perfect SAT performance… which naturally explains their need to be taking it again.

Entering the building at the toll
of 7:45, students blatantly ignore the directives for which line to enter and delay the fast-as-molasses process of checking students in. While waiting, the subtle bragging resumes as a student starts walking toward the back of the line, reminding the world that “OMG. I stood in the wrong line for 30 minutes.” Yup, sister. I hope you enjoyed all thirty minutes you spent in line seeing as the doors only opened 5 minutes ago.

Following the enjoyable spectacle, in the actual testing room pencils and calculators are passed out to those students who somehow neglected the need to bring writing instruments to the SAT. It’s totally cool though. I mean they remembered to bring their water bottle and to wear their printed testing pajammies.

T-minus fifteen minutes past the anticipated start time, the students wait for the one individual who somehow managed to arrive 30 minutes after the tickets asked participants to be there.

In the event that you are taking a Subject Test, the hour-long testing blocks are punctuated with 5 minute breaks which include a discussion of how “really easy” a test was. I mean, “The curve on this is even higher than the AP curve. You can miss like 30 questions on chemistry and still get an 800.” Thanks for the unsolicited “advice” and the inside tester tidbits you learned from CollegeBoard serving as their unsolicited intern and prowler of the forum CollegeConfidential…

But, as the minutes toll by and you are finally released back into the wild, you smile, knowing that for you, this was the last testing hoorah—for better or for worse.