Dear Harvard,

Please understand when getting this letter that the intention is not a rude one, just an informitory one. A vast number of people apply to your school every year with the intentions of following their dreams. What they don’t reaally realize (at least not publically) is that it is not their dream. The dream is to have their intelligence and success manifested in the form of a name, a title, a business card. They want their value to be placed in a name.

It took me a very long time to fully comprehend this. And honestly, I found out in the best possible way. I spent the majority of my education thus far trying to appear smart because it made me feel better to know I was good at something. Last year I funneled my every waking moment into gettting the best possible grades, test scores, and resume. I started a women's leadership nonprofit and recruited amazing women from all over Dallas. It paid off and I became the top of my class. I had determination, and an undeniable hope and plan for my future. But then, I moved to a new school, with an entirely different environment . At my old school, no one cared about anything but athletics, so I stood out and I knew it. But here, everyone's parents made them stay up into the wee hours of the night studying. It was like becoming part of a high-school think tank, but it had the reverse effect on me. Although I started working twice as hard as I did at my other school (if that was even possible) my effort just didnt show. I blended in with all the other study-crazed students. And then I started questioning the purpose of it all. Because while we were all "learning" I started to feel more and more like a child who was getting broccoli constantly shoveled down my throat. I couldn't memorize the endless facts quickly enough to keep up the rigorous pace. I've never felt so discouraged in my life. Was I just that stupid that I couldn't retain the information everyone else could, or was I the only one who would agnowlege the ridiculousness behind it all? That we were constantly learning but never taking in the beauty of all the knowledge. So I stopped, and leveled down my difficult courses, started writing poetry and focusing on learning as much as I could outside of school. I've finally been drawn back into reading a  book because it makes me feel alive, instead of because of a need to finish by Friday. I've been able to write about my thoughts on a myriad of subjects that fascinate me, and not just trying to organize a paper for the best grade. 

Because now I've realized my self worth should be placed in my affect on the world, and the way I treat others. Not being an entitled brat because I'm so over my head with projects that I can't have a moment to breathe. And loving my nonprofit because I am so passionate about having women become the leaders we need in our world so desperately. Not just going through the motions because of what I think people want to see, or what looks good on paper. I can rest assured that I am valuable without throwing at my sanity in the hopes of being told I'm smart. Or successful. Because there comes a point in your life when you can finally comprehend your worth, and also be able to recognize the worth of others. 

And I refuse to put my hopes of becoming part of a knowledge-seeking institution, in front of my hopes of gaining real knowledge every day. 

Thank You,

Lily