I remember feeling lost, won over, and powerless. I remember wanting to shove myself into one box and then into another box, like Russian nesting dolls. I wanted to become small until I disappeared. I somehow wished that I could fade away. I felt like a nobody. My heart would fail me. I felt like wanting to collapse to the floor and crumble into pieces. Until there was nothing left of me. I felt powerless over the feelings of hopelessness. Life was too hard. It was too hard to be happy. It was too hard to have a good conversation with somebody. It was too hard to feel beautiful. This is what giving up would result in. But giving up seemed so easy and the only way out of this “blue” feeling. I didn’t care about life anymore, and who did? I was ready to let everything control me. I would just live to breath.

I want to share some advice on how to beat depression that I gained through personal experience. This is for anybody struggling with depression. I hope my advice will help you deal and beat depression. My first advice would be to talk to somebody about it. Second, think peace. Third, handle depression. I hope though you are not limited to my advice because I tend to gain new insight on how to beat depression as life goes on.
The struggle is real. I fear that depression will always be a part of me. I wish I could target it like any other physical illness, but you can’t. You don’t know what it is that is making you feel “blue”. It is like a gray cloud constantly following you, no matter how hard you try to be happy. It won’t go away after a few sniffles and tears. What is depression? According to experts at my college’s counseling center, it is the “inability to feel happy”. I think this statement describes depression perfectly. When one has depression, they feel a prolonged sadness. And they also forget how to be happy. Depression can be inherited from gene to gene. It can also be acquired from experience and choices.

How did I get depressed? By choice I became depressed. I chose to be depressed because someone was giving me a totally different sign of what being “bright” meant. So I became confused and thought what if my idea of being “bright” is totally wrong? I made the worst choice by changing my idea of being “bright” and acting accordingly. I learned the hard way that my idea of being “bright” was not wrong at all. I forgot how to be me. I forgot how to be happy. I felt “blue” all the time.

I knew a friend who beat depression. I asked her how she beat depression she told me she would write 3 things she was grateful for. She would sleep enough hours, and eat well. She would exercise at least 30 minutes every day. I followed her advice and it helped but depression did not go away. Experts also agree that writing things that you are grateful for will make you a happier person. One way you can do this is writing a letter to someone you are thankful for and deliver it in person, if you can. These are some advice I received from my friend and counselors. 

My first advice is talk to someone about your depression. I went to Korea last year and visited my relatives there. I was happy to see them and overwhelmed because I was afraid depression would catch up to me. One day, I took a bus ride to meet with my fifth aunt and her family. I was so excited to see them and talk to my girl cousin. I did get to talk with my girl cousin, but it didn’t really go anywhere. It was hard for me to keep a normal conversation going. I was focused on not giving bad energy to her, and trying to keep my thoughts in order, and at the same time managing to make the conversation flow smoothly. I felt a lot of pressure in my brain and without energy. I then felt impressed to tell her about my shame. My shame was depression. It was so hard to let it out it choked me. But I just let it out. Afterwards, I felt a big burden lifted off from me. I could breathe again and felt free! I was so happy that I wanted to move around instead of going to bed. This feeling of being free left me after a while though. I still gained something that day which was being able to feel normal again even for a moment. If I had more opportunities like this maybe the feeling of depression would disappear. 

Second, another way to beat depression is think peace. Don’t think about what peace is or how do I obtain peace. Instead, just think peace. I am saying this because I tend to over think things when I am depressed. One time I felt like not going to school anymore. So I decided to tell my high school counselor about it. When I told her about it she asked me “Why?” I told her I felt chaos inside of me. Then she went on convincing me that it was better to graduate because those without high school diplomas would have a hard time in life. So I decided to finish high school. I am thankful for her advice but I wish at that moment I would have known the opposite of chaos were peace. Peace can counter the unsettling feelings that depression brings.

Third, knowing that how you handle something makes all the difference. I realized the moments when I wanted to give up were a result from me not being able to handle depression. So handle depression don’t let it get the best of you. I could scream and become depressed again or I could handle depression. By not handling depression I couldn’t handle anything else in life.

So you got my advice. First, let it out by talking to someone about it. Second, think peace, remember not to over think it. Third, handle depression don’t let it make you disabled. I also encourage you not to become discouraged if the advice I give you doesn’t work for you. Everyone’s depression is different and new inspiration on how to beat depression will come. I hope I have helped you in some sort of way. My hope is that those who suffer with depression will keep on fighting till they become free from it.