“Till death do us part.” This phase a meaningful, cherished saying for  men and women commit to each other before saying“I do.” But, in reality does this phase really have any meaning behind it? I believe that commitment is hard.

These vows have proven to me how much people take them for granted. This sacred time in someone’s life and all it takes is for one person not to fully commit to the other. Personally, I have been a witness of this true reality multiple times.  It’s called divorce. The word nobody likes to hear yet, more than half of us will have it happen to them in a lifetime.

My personal experience with divorce  all started with little disagreements and the occasional scream fights. Not only making me scared but, to the point where I didn’t feel comfortable in my own house. This is just the start. Then, it becomes a weekly thing where being in the same room as my parents was a  danger zone. I felt as if I had to walk on eggshells around my house. One word could set my parents off. I believed I was the source of fighting and caused all this mayhem. Finally, the last resort I thought this situation would ever come to-divorce. I would be sat down with my sister and hear the sentence, “Mommy and Daddy don’t love each other anymore. But, that doesn’t mean we love you any less.” The sugarcoated version of “mommy and daddy want to get the heck away from each other!”  For the longest time, I believed that this was my fault. That I could have done something to stop this. I started having bad anxiety which slowly began to take over my everyday thoughts. Will my dad ever come back? Does he still care about my sister and I? Will I even have a strong relationship with my dad again? The question I continuously ask myself today.

The thing that hit me the hardest in this situation was knowing that I could do nothing to control it. It made me put a guard and distance myself from the one’s that truly loved me. I feel as if I will never be able to be in a serious committed relationship with someone. For the rest of my life, I will end up destroying personal relationships that truly matter to me because I  have commitment issues not only with myself but others. The words spoken, don’t always match up with actions done.