For Jacie. | Teen Ink

For Jacie.

November 22, 2010
By kelseyg135 GOLD, Pownal, Maine
kelseyg135 GOLD, Pownal, Maine
16 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Pain is temporary, Pride is forever."


The Pony Girls save the day.

“Ewww. What’s that smell!?” Jacie asked in disgust. “I’m cooking hamburger! It’s as good as pancakes with syrup!” Jacie’s mother answered. “Mom I don’t like hamburger or the sound of it, so I’m going to go play ponies in my room with Jordan.” After only minutes of ponies and Princesses, Jacie heard her mother screaming in the kitchen. Jacie and Jordan dashed into the kitchen to find the hamburger alive and was trying to eat her mother! Jacie and Jordan quickly ran back to Jacie’s room to get their ponies. Then they both screamed “Pony girls Unite!” Then their ponies came to life and they got super powers faster then a cheetah chasing its prey! Jacie got super laser vision and Jordan got super cleaning powers. With her super eye vision, Jacie cut the monster in half, then in to fourths, and then eighths. Before you knew it, the monster was in a big mess on the ground. “Uh oh this is a really big mess.” said Jacie “It’s okay!” said Jordan “I’ll use my super cleaning powers to clean this mess up!” When the big mess was all cleaned up Jacie’s mother was so happy. She said she’d make them whatever they wanted for dinner now. “ELBOW MACARONI! ELBOW MACARONI! We love the great taste and the delicious sound of it in the pan!” said both the girls jumping up and down excitingly.


The author's comments:
This is for a little girl named Jacie. I barely knew this little girl, but one day I was unhappy and she came up to me and said "Hey miss, don't be sad, I don't know you but I care about you." So I put this story together about her likes and dislikes

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This article has 2 comments.


on Nov. 30 2010 at 5:48 pm
MidnightWriter SILVER, Ontario, Other
6 articles 0 photos 225 comments

Favorite Quote:
Writers are a less dangerous version of the career criminal. Everywhere they go, they see the potential for the perfect crime. The difference is that writers have better self control.

Could use a little more description. How did they play with the ponies? Exactly how did the hambuger try to eat the mother? What did the hamburger sound like cooking? How did the mother scream? It what way did they dash to the kitchen?

on Nov. 26 2010 at 11:40 am
deus-ex-machina14 BRONZE, Stewartsville, New Jersey
1 article 0 photos 439 comments

Favorite Quote:
"There are two main tragedies in life. One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it." -Oscar Wilde

Awh, so cute! It sounds like it would be very uplifting and heartwarming as a longer story. My only suggestion is to make it longer, other than that, great job!!