I looked down at the swell of waves, surging against the jagged rocks. It was amazingly ironic how much this picture reminded me of my own mind and the constant battle raging within it. I laughed inside at irony. I knew that it would end soon, and just like that the laugh inching up my throat dissolved. In its place a familiar hollowness settled in. Suddenly I found myself screaming, “Are you happy? You’ve finally won! I-I can’t do this anymore…” I broke down and the tears began to roll down my face, freezing in the harsh winter wind. I knew this had to end, I could no longer go on. I reached into my jacket and pulled out the amulet that had haunted me. It came to life with my touch, matching my heartbeat, like a second heart. I felt the warmth coming off the amulet and looked down at the white storm below. The sun began to rise and I felt warmth beginning to spread through my body, but I knew from experience that the sun did not bring hope, nothing did. I looked down at the amulet once more and then I jumped…

Falling through empty air was amazing. I felt free and unstoppable, like I could spread my wings and just disappear. It was bliss. But I knew that the water was coming up to meet me, that this was the end. I was calm though, because I knew this was how it had to be. I took one last glimpse at the world that blurred into nothing as I sped down. I knew I would not be missed, the tears came again but it didn’t matter, soon I would be surrounded by the same salty water falling from my eyes. I watched as the blue black water came closer and closer. The amulet’s rhythm pick up in speed as the distance between me and my death became closer and closer. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, just enjoying the sensation of letting go. Then the water hit me and my eyes opened in shock of blow. My mind went into a state of panic, as my body registered the freezing temperature. I began to thrash involuntarily trying to get warm and get air. Slowly I calmed myself by grabbing my amulet, trying to feel its warmth. Instead when my hands wrapped around it I felt the heat slowly draining away. I wasn’t surprised; I figured that when my life left me the life would leave the amulet too, that was why I was doing this. My limbs eventually went numb as the water seeped through my clothes. I let go and felt the silence surround me as I sank deeper and deeper. I didn’t struggle for air even though I felt my lungs screaming for it. I felt so tired; I wanted to sink away to the silence that sleep brings. Even as my eyelids shut I knew that this was going to be the one time I would never wake up.

I could tell I wasn’t dead yet because I felt the waves on my skin and the rare spots that tingled on my skin where the sun’s rays had infiltrated the thick ocean layers. I felt my hair swirling around me, jostled by the current, sometimes plunging my eyes into darkness behind the lids as it blocked the sun. I remained hopeful; this was the sleep before my body finally shut down, from either lack of oxygen or the freezing of my body. I felt like my skin had sprouted new nerve endings, I could sense everything, the crashing of waves on the rocks, the sun on my skin, and the feel of my now soaking wet clothes. It was amazing. I heard the sound of something breaking the surface, sinking closer and closer to where I was drifting, and then my hair floated across my face as the disturbances of the waves hit me. Hands grabbed me and began pulling me, this is wrong. I should be slowly sinking to the bottom of the ocean, at the mercy of the currents, not being pulled by someone. I tried to resist but the constant exposure of my skin to the freezing water had my entire body numb. After awhile the person caught me in its arms and we finally broke the surface. The temperature change had my body sighing in relief and the breeze had my lungs screaming for air again, but I refused. This was not supposed to happen; I was supposed to be dead. I felt the muscles holding me flex, trying to support another human body that happened to be even heavier in sopping wet clothes. After a few feet it set me on the sand and tried to wake me. It spoke, “Are you ok?” Instantly I knew it was a male voice, I could tell he was p***ed. I tried to move, tried to speak, tried to let him know he had made a mistake rescuing me, but I couldn’t. With no response he lightly hit my cheeks to no avail. Finally he placed his hands on my chest and began CPR. Suddenly I felt as if I was going to be sick, something was trying to inch its way back up my throat and out of my mouth. After a couple of compressions, the sun was blocked out and I felt tiny drops of water fall onto my face like rain, without warning a mouth was on mine, pushing water down my throat and into my lungs. The feel of his lips on mine sent electric sparks through my body jolting my eyes open as my body quickly turned, finally letting the water spill from my mouth, leaving a burning salt trail in my throat. I coughed to make sure all the water was out and then turned to him. My breath froze in my chest as I looked at my rescuer.


His jet black hair stuck to his face and neck, the tips dripping with water. His pain black v-neck clung to his body, showing his muscled abs and toned arms. I drew my eyes to his lips, full but not too much so, which were set in a tight line. His nose was straight; his forehead mostly covered by his black hair but underneath I saw his eyebrows drawn together, wrinkling his forehead. I finally stared into his eyes, and flinched at the anger there, not because his anger transformed his face into something ugly, but because amongst the anger and annoyance clouding his eyes, I saw disappointment. I began to shake uncontrollably; my teeth began to chatter as well. I averted my eyes. He finally spoke, his deep voice vibrated through my body, “What the h*** were you thinking jumping off the cliff like that? Are you stupid?” Anger shot through me, “No I’m not stupid.” “No of course not, you just weren’t thinking.” “Ever think that I jumped on purpose? No of course you didn’t think that, because YOU don’t understand!” I screamed at him. I jerked my eyes back up to stare into his. His icy grey eyes had turned into a light black purple color, like storm clouds, and I knew I had p***ed him off, but right now, no matter how gorgeous he was, he was just another person that judged me without understanding. “You could be a little more grateful, considering I just saved your life.” He hissed. And just like that my anger faded, a normal person would be grateful, but I had never been normal. “I was thinking, I was thinking clearly. Did you ever consider I was saving myself? That by saving my life you just ruined it?” my words fell from my lips in a shaking whisper. Moments of silence passed and I finally looked back into his eyes, shocked at the disdain he conveyed. “You are pathetic. Killing yourself doesn’t fix anything; it just means that you’re running away from something for forever because you were too weak to even try to face it. What about the people that love you, what do you think you’re doing to them?” he basically spat out each word. “I know I’m pathetic. But did you consider that I have been facing it for 18 years of my life? I have no loved ones left, no family, no friends, not even any pets. I have nothing left in this world.” I saw the shock register in his eyes, lightening them, his mouth sucked in a breath as if he was about to speak but nothing came out. I cut in before he could speak, “Thanks for trying to help. I’m sorry you saw me.” I began to get up, slipping on the wet muddy sand. I got to my feet and took a couple of steps before my shivering became so violent my knees buckled and I fell into the sand again. Large, strong hands caught me before my face became buried in the sand. He lifted me into his arms and began to carry me to the car parked along the edge of the beach. I tried to protest, but I didn’t, afraid that my chattering teeth might actually bite of my tongue. So I kept my mouth shut. Besides I wasn’t in any mood to refuse either, the lines of his chest and stomach felt good against my arms. I felt his muscles flex and bulge against my back and legs as he moved towards the car, finally shifting most of my weight to one side as he opened the car door and put me in the passenger side. As soon as he started the engine I was blasted with hot air, a small sigh escaped my lips as I began to thaw. He turned to me and studied my face, before putting the car into gear and driving.


The car was silent as he drove, the only sound being that of the heater. I didn’t mind, it allowed me to focus on keeping myself. After 10 minutes I got curios of where we were going. He had never asked for my address and I had seen the hospital appear and disappear as we drove by. Where could he be taking me? I found myself falling asleep even though I told myself to pay attention to where we were going. But the more I focused the more I drifted off. I finally succumbed to the heavy sleep that pulled my eyes shut. With one last look at the disappearing city I fell asleep.


I woke up when the car stopped. I peeled my eyes open groggily and looked around. We had stopped in the middle of nowhere, a large countryside house. I flinched as my door was suddenly pulled open, “Come on”, he said. I tried I really did, I had no intention of getting help, but as soon as my weight shifted from the seat to my feet, my knees buckled and I collapsed, my violent shivering starting once again. He caught me in his arms, gravity burying me into his chest. He sighed and lifted me up into his arms once again. I found myself solely focusing on the feel of his body on mine, the lines and grooves of his toned chest and the ridges of his muscular arms. Only when he opened the door and walked into the foyer did I finally focus on my surroundings. I gasped as I finally focused on the house.