Bitter Honey

I stood outside my brother’s window eyes wide with disbelief. My mind was suffocated by decision. Should I comfort him now or wait things out? Both seemed like a god awful idea. The words played over and over in my head. “I’ll kill him, I’ll kill him tonight then no one will know.” I sped up the porch steps and hurried to my room. I rest against the door. My heart squeezed through the spaces in between my rib cage. My body swayed and sank to the floor. Jason could die tonight. He could die, and I sat in the dark of my room wrestling with myself. I wasn’t sure if that sound that rose up from the depths of the earth was me or my brother riving in anger. I listened to the reeei, reeei of the wooden floor as my brother moved from his room to the living room, to the kitchen, to mom’s study, and back. “God you need to be here!” I hated my mother’s vacationing whims especially at times like this. I flicked on my lamp. The light pervaded some relief from the darkness that clouded my mind. It burned into my judgment, and I rubbed my eyes trying to easy the slow sizzling pain. Reeei, reeei the door to my brother’s room slammed in unison with my heart beat.

I had to stop him. I ran to my bathroom splashed cold water on my face and changed into pajamas. I hoped I looked clam enough to confront him now. I headed down the hallway to his room. The closer I came the farther away the door seemed. “Kie.” There was no answer. “Kie!” Nothing. I knocked once, twice, the door snaked open.

“Get over on me will he …” A low raspy voice greeted me. “Kie?” I moved through the dark. “Thinks it’s a game.” I paused. My eyes ached from squinting. “Kie where are you … please answer me.” I felt around until found his desk. I fell into it the random outburst and fragile silence ate at my nerves.

He was shuffling through the room now moving toward me. I reached out to grab him. He turned to me. I looked up at him as he hovered over me. His eyes reflected some emotion I couldn’t understand. “Talk to me Kie. You can’t kill Jason.” I could hear my own voice crack with every word. I swallowed a lump of acid hope. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he wouldn’t talk to me. “Danni stay here. It will all be over soon”

Kie turned on the bedroom light. He walked me over to his bed and told me to sit there and wait for him. I half-heartedly agreed. He turned his back to me. I watched him take a box out of his closet and sit it on his desk. I could feel the life being pull from me by the ominous aura murder that filled the room. Click … I flinch from the sound of the clip. Kie looked over at me and smiled. It was that same summer sun warm smile I always loved. I called to him chocking tears of bitter honey, but he didn’t hear me. My voice was drowned out as he slammed the door behind him.

I heard the gravel crunch under the tires of Kie’s car along with my heart. I waited until he disappeared over the hill. I had to stop him. I ran outside and jumped on my bike. I could still make out his tail lights. Wet hair matted my face. “Rain.” I hid my bike behind a tree, and watched him. The lights were on downstairs, and I could see the reflection of the TV in the window. I couldn’t understand Kie and Jason had been friends since their freshman year of college. Jason would come over during the summer to play basketball with Kie. I would even go with them to the movies on the weekends sometimes. When did everything go so wrong?

Kie picked the lock. I came closer. Kie looked back, and I ducked behind a trash can. I couldn’t blow my cover. Kie stood in the middle of the living room. He looked left, right left, and back at the door. I had made it behind his car. He moved to the kitchen scoping out the house. The only one home was Jason. My breath caught somewhere between my lungs and my throat. I ran in the house. Kie tipped up the stairs. “No, no, no” I whispered almost too loud. Kie turned sharply, and I ran to hide behind the stair well. “You think everything is a game, Jason. Well, the game ends here.” I froze. “Man what are you talking about?” I inched back up the stairs. Jason was mortified.

“Hey man put the gun down … We can talk about this. “There’s nothing to talk about.” I didn’t have any conscious thought of moving, but I found myself feet from the door. Kie’s finger was on the trigger. I blotted to them and even though they were only feet away I couldn’t reach them. Every breath sounded overly loud in my ears. Kie squeezed the trigger.

I jumped arms out stretched. I closed my eyes. Two seconds, five. I hit the wooden floor. I waited for a rush of hot liquid pain but there was none. I opened my eyes to see Kie nervously squeezing the trigger again and again but nothing happened. I flinched. Jason looked down at me, and I looked over at Kie. The clip was empty