Anthony and the Bean Burrito Tree

Once upon a burrito, there was a obese ten year old boy name Anthony who loved burritos. For breakfast, he ate burritos. For lunch, he ate burritos. For dinner, he ate, well, burritos! He lived in the humble town of Cupertino, where one in four people were obese. The town of Cupertino was a small town populated by buildings and people trying to promote global warming. One day, when he was walking to Taco Bell, he saw a lot of commotion going on. Anthony heard someone scream, “Look! The bean burrito is glowing!”
He stroded over while rudely shoving everyone in his path away. When he got to the center, he saw an old hag holding up a green glowing burrito.
“Surely this burrito is the most tasty of all,” he thought, “I must have it!”
He ran over to the hag and made a grab for the bean burrito. He fought with the old hag for a couple of seconds. The hag was surprisingly strong, and wrested the burrito away from Anthony. When the dust cleared, the hag was sitting triumphantly on the plump boy, holding up the still intact magical burrito. Anthony mumbled something unintelligible.
“What was that, fat boy?” the hag cackled.
“I’ll give you anything for that green burrito!” Anthony shouted, staring at the luminous burrito.
“Really? I’ve always wanted one of those awesome Lamborghini that young people drive these days,” the hag said dreamily.
“I’ll give you my dad’s Gallardo Lamborghini!” Anthony shouted desperately. Anthony ran off, and a few minutes later, he returned with his dad’s car keys. The hag handed over the burrito with a triumphant smile on her face.
“You WHAT?” his dad said when he returned with the green burrito.
“Dad, I made the best trade in history! I traded away your lousy Lamborghini for a magical bean burrito!” Anthony shouted excitedly. His dad became enraged and threw the magical burrito out the window.
“Hey!” Anthony shouted, “I was going to share it with you!” His dad lifted Anthony by the collar and threw him into his room, slammed the door and locked it. His dad cut a small hole in the bottom of the door to give Anthony a vegan diet. Anthony sat there for a while, but found that he really needed to pee, so he peed out the window, right on top of the magic burrito that a dog was burying.
Two years passed, and Anthony was finally let out of his room. He was no longer obese, and it seemed he had learned his lesson. One day, he looked in his backyard and saw a sprout growing. Suddenly, a majestic burrito tree exploded magically from that sprout. The bean burrito tree was one thousand miles high and had over a thousand bean burritos growing on it. Anthony eagerly grabbed a burrito from the tree and shoved it into his mouth. The burrito was a magical burrito that had a secret recipe: one thousand grams of fat with some magical powder. Anthony loved fat burritos. He proclaimed, “This was the best burrito I have ever tasted!” He inched his way up the tree to grab more burritos. On that day, he broke his own record of number of burritos eaten in one day.
Word quickly spread around about this magical burrito tree. Tourists came from everywhere to see the bean burrito tree. Aliens from outer space also came the witness the anomaly. People found that they could plant their own burrito trees in their own backyard. The entire universe was happily munching on burritos, while Burger King went out of business, and obesity rates were higher than ever.
Suddenly, there arose a problem. Each time you ate a bean burrito, you would fart a very huge fart, and not just any fart. If you held it in for more than three seconds, then you would explode. People were dying by the thousands. The entire world was in chaos. The world’s atmosphere was contaminated with poisonous gasses, and scientist all over the world knew that this would mark the end of the world. Anthony didn’t care at all. He farted loud and proud. Everyone blamed Anthony for the catastrophe, and chased him out of town. Anthony found that he had to take matters into his own hands.
Anthony went to find the old hag. It wasn’t that hard to find her, partly because of how disgusting she looked, but mainly because she was the only one sitting in a Lamborghini, happily singing to herself. He immediately yanked open the door (because she didn’t know how to lock it) and shouted, “Make the bean burrito tree disappear or I’ll make you eat this!” He shoved the poisonous burrito right in front of the old hag’s face. She simply cackled, took out an orange pill, and said, “Put this orange pill under the bean burrito tree. Then, bean burritos will never have existed and everything will be back to normal.” Anthony grimaced and said, “I’ll do it.”
Anthony put the orange pill under the bean burrito tree. Suddenly, the bean burrito tree disappeared, and everything went back to normal. Anthony was very disappointed that bean burritos never existed, but then someone shouted, “Look at these awesome nachos!” Anthony immediately ran over and grabbed the nachos from the guy’s hand. He shoved it in his mouth and said, “This is the most amazing thing I’ve ever tasted!”