"Not me. Don’t pick me" I whispered quietly. 

I was standing at the back of the group and hoping that if I bent my knees the instructor would not see me and therefore not call on me to volunteer. 

Lots of kids look forward to this day. Lots of kids even spend their whole life waiting for the day when they are tested, not me. I know what will happen. I will get five feet into the air and then fall back down on my face. All the other children around me will fly up to the top of the little tower, grab the piece of ugly green cloth, do a somersault in the air and gently float down to the ground to give the instructor the bit of fabric. The instructor will hand them a card stating that they have passed the test and the brightly colored plastic bracelet that you keep the card in. 

When I was little I thought that the most important thing was to pick out the perfect color for the bracelet, if you picked the wrong color you were stuck with it the rest of your life. My own sister picked a tacky bubblegum pink color when she passed the test and now she hates it. She tried to color it black with a permanent marker but that only made it worse. Yes, I was sure that the most important thing was the color of the bracelet but now I know I was wrong. The most important part is passing the test. 

It’s not fair. All the other kids will pass and I won't. They will all get bracelet and go to The Flying School of Flight and get jobs and not have to walk anywhere for the rest of their lives. I can't fly. I never learned how because I am deathly scared of heights and refused to jump of the short ladder that my father gave me when I was in kindergarten.

The ladder was only two or three feet tall but it felt like 20 feet. I didn’t learn because I never tried but I didn’t try because I was afraid.

While I was, unsuccessfully, trying to hide, the instructor was calling the other kids to come up and demonstrate how great they are at flying. I was so nervous that my hands where shaking. Soon I was one of the only kids left that had not taken the test. I watched as the number of kids that had not taken the test slowly become just one. Me. The instructor gave the kid that just went, a tall girl with frizzy hair and freckles, a green bracelet and the girl slipped the small card inside. She walked back to rejoin the group and the instructor asked if anyone else needed to go. I slowly raised my hand and gloomily dragged myself to the front of the group. It took me a few seconds to realize that the instructor was talking to me.

“State your name and birthdate?” he said almost as unenthusiastically as I felt.

I told him and he instructed me to stand on the orange circle. As he was telling me what I had to do to pass the test, which I already know, I started to think about all the bad things that could happen. I could embarrass myself by falling when I was only a few feet off the ground or not even be able to float up off the orange dot. As I was getting to a tragic accident including an evil phantom armadillo, the instructor said something. 

“What?” I said, startled back to attention. 

“Go!” he practically yelled “Do I need to say it again?!”

“No sir” I said quietly, looking down at my lime green sneakers, covered in graffiti from when I found a marker on the floor and decided that my shoes were boring. 

“Well hurry up already!” 

  “Yes sir” I said, my sneakers swimming in and out of focus.

I looked up at the huge tower and took a deep breath. I looked back at my shoes, but this time to fly. I felt my toes go all tingly and I knew that this time I would do it! I would fly!

Nope. After rising five feet in the air I fell forward and ended upside-down like some, invisible giant was holding me by my ankles. The next second I fell back to the ground, landing painfully on my knees.

Great. 

“Um… you can try again.” The instructor said hesitatingly, probably feeling bad being unkind.

“Fine” I said gloomily.

I stood back up and brushed off my jeans. 

When I was little I had a reoccurring nightmare that I was flying over the city at night. The clouds were puffy and the moon was bright. I could see the lights of people’s houses and buildings and cars. I flew over the city, the lake, the freeway, the mountains. I could fly anywhere I wanted to. I was free to fly for the rest of my life. I circled back around and flew over the lake again. I could see the light from the city bouncing off the cool black sheet of water. I laid on a blanket of clouds and looked at the water. While I was transfixed by the water, the wind blew the cloud out from under me and I was falling.

Falling 

Falling

FALLING!

I couldn’t fly. I couldn’t do anything.

***********************************

I won’t fall. A silly part of my brain said that I can do it. That dream is just a nightmare. I will fly without falling. I should believe that crazy part and just trust myself. I reposition myself on the orange dot and look up at the tower again. It doesn’t seem so tall any more. I close my eyes and stretch out my arm. I feel cloth. Gross, ugly, green cloth. Quickly I grab it.  I open my eyes and see the piece of green fabric clutched tightly in my fist. I look down at my feet and see that they are no longer touching the ground. I see all the other students faces staring back up at me. I am flying. I lean forward into a somersault and feel the wind against my face. I drop back to earth, catching myself at the last moment. I land perfectly and offer the cloth to the instructor. He looks very surprised at my improvement in the last minute. He takes the fabric and coughs awkwardly. 

“So… did I pass” I say

“what? Oh right, um… yeah.” He says still surprised. 

“So...”

“Right, what color bracelet do you want?”