The alarm clock woke me as usual, but when I looked in the mirror it was anything but usual. The face that stared back at me was not my face, but the face of my rival, someone who disliked me for years. The face I so desperately wanted to be rid of. Years of bringing myself down because of this face. This look. It was pulled on my face for what felt like ever. I thought this face was going to forever be mine. Until I found something. Something that really changed almost everything about me. Something that made me so happy. Or rather met, I met someone. The smile they gave me, the feeling; it was indescribable. The indescribable feeling and the eye smile was something that I grew a habit of having. Those two things became important for me to see everyday. And the happiness I felt came from another smile. Seeing their smile made me smile. It gave me that indescribable feeling. The feeling of wanting to always see them smile. Always wanting to see them happy. I felt like it was my job to make them happy and to help them whenever needed. A pleasurable job because I felt like I was needed, wanted by them. And I could have never asked for a better "job".

But as I got better, it seemed as if she got worse. She was the one to always help me. Always the one with open ears to hear what I hated about myself and she always reassured me that I was perfect the way I was. Just like hers, my ears were always open to hear what she had to say about anything at all. If she was sad, angry, upset, excited.. I was there ready to listen. But her words never came as often as mine did. Seeing as I was the one to always vent, I felt like a bother to her. She'd tell me otherwise that I never bothered her with my problems. But there was always that voice, that voice everyone had. The voice who would bring them down, telling them exactly what they thought and feared. Confirming all of their greatest worries and insecurities. So every time I felt upset, I so badly wanted to talk to her and confide in her because I trusted her with everything in me. There was no doubt that she was one of the most important people in my life. But there was always something stopping me from confiding in her. I hesitated with my decisions on telling her everything that upset me at the moment. It was never her that made me hesitate, it was me. At the end of it all, I almost always did vent to her. After I would feel so much better knowing she was there for me, but I always wondered if something was on her mind she wanted to talk about. So I would ask her how she was, if everything was okay, and if there was anything she wanted to say. But I can't remember a time where she said something was upsetting her. There wasn't much I could do except ask if she was sure and move on. There's times where I think "Is she really okay? Is she just not saying anything because she doesn't trust me? Or is it because she feels she's a bother when she vents?". Many times I can't stop thinking about how she is.

But that's now. This was back when we weren't very close yet. When we were just friends rather than best friends. It may not seem like such a difference, but it really is. We were getting there, I could feel it, but not just yet. But the day she told everyone how she was really feeling.. about everything.. it almost broke me. I was on the verge of tears. Knowing how she really felt just hurt so much but.. I could relate to it so much as well. Her feelings were like mine; insecure, upset, sad, numb, depressed.. almost everything a teenager feels. What hurt me the most was that I found out her emotions the way she posted it rather than her telling me herself. But I didn't blame her, I couldn't because it's not an easy thing to explain. I just felt I failed as a friend. I never wanted to hear she was upset. Finding out she has had a frown on her face because of what was going on, I felt like I failed her. And we're back to my reflection in the mirror. The bathroom was the one place I felt was safe to cry. Safe to let out everything I've been keeping in. Behind a closed door where nobody could come in unless I was out. I was thinking of her words last night. They were swimming around in my head taunting me. I wanted to help her so badly.. but what if she didn't want my help?

For what felt like hours just standing there staring at myself through the mirror, I knew I wanted to help her. I didn't feel the need to or felt like I had to, but I wanted to. So I did. I quickly exit the bathroom and head towards my room to where my phone was. Unplugging and unlocking it, I open my notes app and create a new page. I knew what I wanted to say so the words were quickly typed into my phone. Before I knew it, there were so many words. Without hesitating this time, I sent her the long message. The message of my feelings of how I was there for her always. How I could relate to what she was saying so much. And when she responded, I knew we had grown closer because of this. I felt closer to her than ever knowing we both felt the same upsetting feelings and that we were there for each other. Going back to the bathroom mirror, I didn't see the face I saw before and I didn't see the face I usually saw. It was a different one, a different look. A better one. Truly confiding in her about absolutely everything that was bothering me and her truly confiding in me about everything as well.. it made me feel a million times better. Staring at my reflection I saw someone who helped another. That other being one of the most important people, or maybe even the most important person in my life. The person who has given me an indescribable feeling and an eye smile. And I so hope I have caused an eye smile to appear on her face. She has a special place in my heart, and as she has said, as do I have a special place in her most precious, caring heart.