Hi everyone. My name is Tyrone. Tyrone the Tortoise. I am sure that you have all heard many versions of the Tortoise and the Hare. Well, most of the stuff that you have heard is not true. I will tell you my version which is nothing but the truth.

Once upon a time, in the city of Detroit there were these two rival gangs. One was called the Crips which included Tyrone the Tortoise, Timmy and Jimmy, You know, from South Park. The other gang was called the Bloods and it included Jose the Hare, and Jose the Jalapeño on a Stick, and Achmed, you know the two guys from the Jeff Dunham Special. These two gangs were always killing each other. One late evening Timmy and Jimmy were on guard duty looking out for the Bloods. All of a sudden a beat the crap car pulled up. Jose the Hare jumped out with an Uzi and shot Jimmy. Jose the Jalapeño and Achmed followed with AK-47’s. Tyrone jumped out with an M-16 and shot Jose the Jalapeño. Achmed strapped bombs to his chest and ran to the Crip’s hangout and hollered, “Allahhhh”, and pressed the button to explode. It was a huge explosion. The warehouse blew apart. The two gangs were knocked off their feet and under the wreckage. Both gangs managed to escape and they both came to an agreement to settle their territory problem with a street race. Before they could race they would first have to get Timmy and Jose the Jalapeño to the hospital. Once that was taken care of, both gangs had to get to work on their street racing cars. Tyrone had a modified 2009 Subaru Impreza WRX. Jose the Hare had a modified 2009 Nissan 37OZ. The rest of the two gangs had modified beater, crap cars. The next day at 10:00 Pm the two gangs were waiting at the starting line. When one of Tyrone’s friends fired the starting gun, both groups of racers took off. The rule is whoever makes it to the finish line first wins the territory for his gang. Jose the Hare was in first place, followed by Tyrone, Achmed, Timmy, Jose the Jalapeño, and Jimmy. Achmed pulled out his AK-47 and fired rounds of ammunition at Timmy’s car. Timmy’s car spun out of control and went into the oncoming car lane and was hit by a semi truck. Timmy was out of the race. Jose the Jalapeño and Achmed were right behind Tyrone. Achmed was activating his explosions that were rigged to go off when colliding with someone. Tyrone had to do something fast. Achmed activated his nitrous and charged at Tyrone. Tyron pulled off a 360° turn avoiding Achmed. Instead Achmed collided with Jose the Jalapeño causing a huge explosion. Unfortunately, Timmy was too close to the explosion. His car caught fire, and spun out of control crashing into a Show Girls Club. In the mean time, Jose the Hare was so far ahead he figured that he had time to pull off a robbery. He stopped at the nearest 7/11 and pulled out his Uzi. He told the clerk to give him all of the money from the register and a 12 pack of Miller Lite. Jose took the bagful of money to the car and counted it. It amounted to $12.36. He figured since he had beer, he might as well drink it all up. He spent the next 15 minutes drinking. He then took off to finish the race. While driving he noticed everything seemed blurry. He continued on. He then noticed he had to go to the bathroom. He tried to ignore the feeling. He saw Tyrone’s car up ahead. He hit the nitrous button and zoomed off. He thought he was going to make it. He was almost to the finish line. He was swerving side to side during the whole time. He was just about to win when he swerved out of control and into an oncoming mini van. Tyrone the Tortoise had won the race.


The moral to this story is to don’t drink and drive.