Even after weeks had gone by, she dreaded waking up in the morning. She absolutely dreaded having to go to her closet and pick an outfit. She dreaded seeing the box of love notes on the floor. She was sick of the pity from other people that still flooded her texts. She was tired of looking at the things he gave her and not having a clue on what to do with them. Most of all, she was sick of losing herself to day dreams of lost memories that broke her heart all over again.

She sighed as she rubbed the tiredness from her eyes, turning off her alarm clock. It felt like she never truly slept anymore. She got up, ignoring her closet for right then, and headed to her washroom to shower. She scowled as she looked at herself in the mirror as she stripped down. Hair in tangles, acne on her face, dark circles around her eyes, half washed makeup in ruins on her anguished face. She took a washcloth and washed her face.

Only four weeks prior that had been comfortable in her own skin,  but now she looked down and everything felt foreign to her. In the time he had left, she had lost herself. She frowned, turning the hot water to her shower on. It mimicked the warmth of his hugs. 

Normally, any other day before they split, she would have turned music on. Her phone hasn been turned on for days. She couldn’t bear to potentially see him with someone else. She couldn’t handle the Facebook memories, or the pictures of them together, or their favorite songs. Most of all, she couldn’t stop herself from reading old texts. The old “I love you”’s, the old “I’m sorry”’s, the old hope. 

She missed the hope she had. She missed the lazy weekends , the stupid jokes, and his dumb smile. She missed him. Not just the idea of him, but everything in its entirety. Everything that came with him. Including the little notes in her pants pocket. She walked into her shower, relaxing her tense shoulders and unclenching her jaw. Compared to the warm water, the tears she began to cry were a salty ice cold. As her vision became blurry, she closed her eyes and began to remember some of the best times with him.

As the warm water cascaded down her body, she thought of the fragrances, feelings, and sounds that she heard all the time before they split. The smell of pancakes and eggs she cooked for him every chance she could. The feeling of his soft hair and the fuzzy stuffed animals he had bought her. The sound of his voice when he told her he loved her and when he laughed. His laugh used to always make her smile. 

She cried harder as she remembered waking up one morning to a note on her closet door. He had left early, and instead of waking her up, had left her a note, the first of many. There was a note in every jean pocket, in every pair of jeans in her closet. It wasn’t long after that their relationship began to die.

The I love you’s turned into screaming and fights. She tried her hardest to fix things in the last two months, but the yelling and I’m sorry’s had already taken its toll. There was nothing to fight for anymore. Between the secrets, lack of communication, and not truly knowing how to love, they had killed their spark. They still loved each other, but sadly couldn’t be together. He had made his decision, now she just had to accept it.

After washing her hair and body, she got out, feeling the tension set back in. He hadn’t texted her for days, but why would he? He said he wanted to be friends, but did he really? If he truly wanted to stay in contact, he would not have ignored her texts. Loving him felt pointless now but her heart still ached like a sore tooth every time she thought of him. But did he do the same? She highly doubted it. She winced as she began to brush her hair out, tears starting to form with every knot she brushed through, only a small pain compared to how hurt she felt from this situation.

 She sighed as looked at the promise ring that sat on her vanity. “forever and always” was engraved on the inside of the ring that once meant so much to her. She frowned. Forever didn’t truly mean forever. She felt like a fool for believing he stay. She dried off, wiping her tears, and went to go pick an outfit. She picked a random outfit from her closet, getting dressed. 

She reached to the back pocket, nostalgia setting in as she pulled out a small slip of paper. She couldn’t help herself from reading his words over and over again, mesmerized by the tiny lettering and the care in the cursive. It seemed to be hours that she read “I’ll love you forever “, until her second alarm went off to tell her she needed to leave soon. She turned it off and slipped the small strip of paper into her back pocket once more, a fortune cookie reminder of their lost love she seemed to have forgotten about. 

She grabbed her bag and kissed her mom on the cheek, walking out the door. As she walked to school, they walked past each other, but did not speak. They were strangers again.