Pretending not to hear what they say or faking it doesn’t hurt is really hard. I’m sensitive and people think it’s a big joke. Fat,annoying, immature, never good enough, really that’s the best you can do? I hear that all the time it never stops, no one ever pays attention to me unless I make it happen.

I try to change for the better and people like me but it never works…...some people can’t understand, i had long wavy, blonde hair, now it’s short and I like it that way, i keep it straight all the time. I have makeup on all the time, no one from school has seen me without it. 

Some days I don’t understand my purpose. I feel left in the dark, waiting for a micale that will never happen. Sometimes I pretend I'm okay, when really I can't take it anymore , wanting to make it all stop. 

I thought losing weight would make them happy and being someone I’m not, still never good enough, until I started cutting my wrists and ran away no one ever paid attention to me. I had a small yellow room with holes everywhere in the walls from my dad. I asked for over 2 years for him to repaint it, he never did until now. 

The make jokes about me/make fun of me . I pretend it’s okay but it hurts inside, if I ever say that I’m sensitive that hurts my feeling they say they don’t care and to deal with it.

Fake……..It’s all I have been since the fourth grade, cheerleader for 7 years, dance for 6 years, volleyball for 2 years, basketball for one season, flag football for two, doing all of these things just to try to get people to like me. Moving to Austintown was the best decision I made. People liked me for me, I could wear jeans and hoodies no one would judge me. All I had were some converse. I saved enough money from babysitting. 

Sometimes I wonder why I stay here, my grandparents might take me in, they said they would before. Any time I say something my parents act like I’m a mistake, my sister is treated like royalty, she has everything, the biggest bedroom, the newest stuff, when I mean everything I say everything, I have hand me downs from my cousin that’s 6 years older than me. She gives me things I need, jeans, hoodies, shirts, and some newer but not that much used shoes.

You think you know me until you meet my home life..........