I say to you today, my friends, even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is the Coach Potato dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will sit down and watch as much TV as possible and live up to the claim that all Americans are lazy and overweight.

I have a dream that one day in an armchair in Boston the sons of baseball players can ally themselves with the sons of cowboy-hicks in Texas in order to fight the Covenant hordes via the online video games of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the State of New York, a state full of bustling pedestrians running everywhere, sweating from the heat of the sun, will be transformed into an oasis of air-conditioned moving carpets and tunnels lined with La-Z-Boys, eliminating the pain of walking.

I have a dream that my four friends on MySpace will one day live in a country where they are not judged by how slowly they run a mile, but by the content of their “Warcraft” characters and their ability to quote television commercials.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day, over there in California, with its health food and fitness fanaticism, with its governor encouraging weightlifting and a healthy lifestyle, kids of all sizes will be able to clasp hands and appreciate together the wonderful fatty goodness of fast food and regular cola.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day every exercise bike will remain a coat rack, the chip bag shall be endless, the couch comfortable again, the excess weight hidden by unnecessarily large T-shirts, and the glory of Late Night and Really Late Night television will shine into every living room way past bedtime, for all Americans to experience together.