I know that it sounds horrific when you hear about a woman poisoning her stepdaughter disguising herself as a hag using her witch’s powers. I understand that, from that angle, I sound like a pretty bad lady, but that’s just it. The story was told from pretty, perfect Snow White’s angle with complete disregard for the truth. I’m here to tell all of you exactly what happened to me and how Snow White’s happy ending is a cover up.


It started when the king proposed to me. Snow White’s mother had died giving birth to her daughter and his little girl was growing up to be quite a tomboy. He thought that if Snow White had a mother around to show her how a lady was supposed to act, she might stop jumping into the lake in her underwear. I knew that, in time, he would come to love me so I agreed to his proposal. I also wanted a child, but couldn’t have any of my own. Snow White was a dream come true. She and I baked, quilted, sewed and read together like we were truly mother and daughter. She never complained when I asked her to help me around the castle and she was always so obedient that I’d never had to resort to punishment. We were blissfully happy until her father died. I saw my little girl change before my eyes. She started hanging out with these horrible teenagers at the tender age of twelve and mimicking everything they did. I didn’t know it at the time, but she had gotten into drugs like crack, heroin and acid heavily. I noticed her starting to lose weight and she got very depressed and angry whenever I asked her how she was. I figured it was just a phase until I found the needles in her bathroom.


I wasn’t sure of how to discipline her, so I tried grounding her by making her do chores all day and making sure that those “friends” of hers stayed away. I thought that I was doing a good job. She was putting on weight and she was more inclined to respond to me when I asked her questions without being snotty to me.


One day, I was sitting in my room doing my makeup and I heard singing. I knew that Snow White usually sang while she was doing her chores, I ignored it until it came closer. It wasn’t Snow White’s voice I heard, but a man’s. I quickly rushed to my window and peeked out. To my surprise, it was Danny, one of the friends that I had forbidden Snow White to see. I kept watching until I saw him toss her a bag in exchange for another, which made tinkling noises as it fell. I knew it was money for the drugs. As he rode away I was unsure of what to do. I called the local militia whom he led on a high speed chase. Knowing she saw what I’d done, I waited until dinner to talk to her about it. She was disheveled when she came down and she had a vacant stare as I confronted her about what I saw. Snow White gazed at me for a few moments before jumping out of her seat and attacking me with her spoon.


“I’ll teach you to try and suck my brains out, alien scum!” She bellowed, stabbing at me with the blunt object. Fearing for my life, I called my huntsman, Henry, to take her into the woods so she wouldn’t hurt anyone in the castle. I never wanted her dead. That was more slander to my good name. I expressly told Henry to take her in the woods, kill a pig for supper the next evening, take the heart of that pig to his wife to make a stew and place the key to Snow White’s room in my keepsake box. I thought that if I kept her locked in her room, I could make sure that she didn’t get any more drugs.


A few hours later, Henry came back with scratches, bite marks and cuts all over his body.
Horatio, my stable boy, carried him in and sat him down in a chair.


“What happened,” I asked, watching the doctor care for him, “and where is my daughter?”


Henry’s eyes welled with tears as he whispered, “Highness, I tried to do as you asked, but she came at me. She was yelling about some animals coming to eat her eyes out and clean her house or some such nonsense. I tried to calm her down, but she got my knife and nearly slit my throat.”


“Where is she now?” I bit my lip to keep from sobbing as he looked away.


“I don’t know,” he admitted, tears falling down his wrinkled face. “She said something about seven men, if that helps.”


Suddenly, I knew what I had to do; stop Snow White from hurting herself and anyone else. It took months of research and bribing informants, but I finally learned where she was staying. There was a gang of seven small men called The Dusty Seven, whom were terrorizing another town and trafficking drugs throughout the kingdom. I didn’t want to know what my daughter was doing with them, but I was going to get her back. She would be healthy and happy again if I had to die trying, but I had to get her into a rehabilitation center quickly. Her life could depend on it.


I decided to make a sleeping potion and dip Snow White’s favorite fruit, an apple, in it. Once she ate it, she would go to sleep and I could move her without risk of injury to her or myself. I used my Halloween costume from the previous year to go to the hide out of the Dusty Seven. As an old hag selling harmless apples, I figured that I would be safe from any of the hoodlums that wandered around those parts and, hopefully, Snow White as well.


Once I arrived at the beaten up shack in the middle of nowhere, I knew that it was the place. The smell of old urine permeated the air as I waited for the Seven to leave. When it grew dark, I saw eight figures leaving the house. One was at least two feet taller than the others. As he passed near a torch, I saw that it was Danny. Now him, I probably would have killed for what he did to my child, but never my daughter.


Once I was sure that they were gone, I went up to the door and knocked. Snow White answered looking haggard and extremely thin. Her beautiful ebony hair was tangled and cut in places and her delicate skin was bruised and acne ridden.


She glared at me with unfocused eyes as she growled, “White you want?”


Though I was disgusted by her rotting teeth, I smiled and replied, “Would you like a wishing apple?”


“Wishing what?” She came outside, lighting up a cigarette as the door slammed shut. I was taken aback by her swollen belly. I prayed that she wasn’t pregnant, for her sake as much as the baby’s.


“A wishing apple,” I lied, giving her the one I’d dipped in the potion. “One bite and all of your dreams will come true.”


She took the apple, twisting it in her hand before saying, “I wish that Danny would share his entire stash of crack with me tonight,” and taking a bite. I’ll bet you never heard that in the Disney version! She was so high, she forgot to chew and began choking, dropping her cigarette and hopping around, her hands clasped to her throat. I gave her the heimlich and the apple bit flew out of her mouth and on to the ground next to her cigarette. I thought she’d thank me, but she turned on me and tried to claw my eyes out, screaming that I was trying to kill her and the baby. I pushed her away in self defense and she slipped and fell, hitting her head on a rock. I knelt to help her, but suddenly there was a pack of dogs and men coming at me. I fled as one dog got close enough to snap at my face. I thought that I would run until I lost them and come back to help my daughter when it was safe, but soon I was hopelessly lost, climbing a mountain with dogs snarling and men throwing rocks right behind me. I wasn’t looking at where I was going when I tripped and fell into the gorge, fracturing my skull and paralyzing myself from the waist down.


Snow White’s fine. Danny called a doctor to take care of the gash in her head and they decided to get clean after hearing how drugs can affect babies. The got married in the fall and are having their sixth child next week. When the kids ask if they can go see grandma, Snow White tells them that I’m in prison, which is entirely untrue. I’m currently in St. Judas’s Hospital re-learning how to tie my shoes, and that’s the truth.