Dear friend,
I know that we have not talked in a while and that you probably don’t like me all that much, but I needed someone to vent to and I knew that you would understand. I changed a lot last year when we were best friends, so you of all people know how different I’ve become. I started not caring about things because I thought luck was all that really mattered in life. If I did good acts but received nothing in return, then what motivation do I have to even do good things? Let me tell you, though, I’ve grown past this way of life just in the matter of two days. I feel as if in the last year some new person took over me, submerged from my self-conscience, and I’m finally breaking free of this demon.

It all started at the beach yesterday. Actually, it all happened there. I went drunk with all of my friends, or those who I hang out with but don’t really fit the definition of a true friend. I had all but given up on life before this day because of memories that tried to taunt me from the past, and drinking was pretty much all I did to cover that up. But something changed inside me. There was this little girl flying her kite with her mother by the shore, close to where our group was wobbling around and talking nonsense. I didn’t know why but I kept staring. My eyes were trying to so hard to focus as the alcohol was pumping through my veins and blurring my vision. But why? Nothing holds my attention anymore.
I watched closely as the girl and her mom danced around, kite in hand. Next thing I see is the girl going too far into the water causing her to trip over herself. The kite dropped and dipped into the water and the little girl cried; probably worried it wouldn’t be able to fly again. The mom comforted her instantly and grabbed the kite.
It hit me right then, like a wave crashed over me but I wasn’t even in the water. I sobered up immediately with my thoughts because I remembered something from my own childhood. A memory suppressed for the past year of my life. When I was younger my kite had gotten stuck in a tree while my mom was reading on the porch. Instead of helping me, though, she sat by and laughed. What did little innocent me do to deserve that?
This young girl at the beach helped me realize what I had been trying to avoid. Just because I did nothing and received no help from my mom all throughout my life doesn’t mean I should give up on myself, as well as others, and stop caring. There are other people out there that do still care, just like this girl’s mother. I guess I just have to search for those people and surround myself with them. I know you were always there for me before even if my mom wasn’t, and that’s all that matters in the end. I shouldn’t let my mom’s behavior stand in the way of that.
At the end of the day, it seems to be true that good efforts are rewarded. I’ve only been denying myself this truth in the past year. If I would’ve received help from my mom, I wouldn’t be so screwed up now. This little girl’s mom helped her and looking at her afterward, I could tell the good deed definitely went a long way. The girl laughed and played as if she never cried in the first place. I’ve realized that if I want to be happy in my life, I need to give a little and I’ll get joy in return.
So I’m starting here, with this letter to you, because I figure where’s a better place to start than the one where I screwed up the most?
I’m sorry.