Fast Times at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

My hands trembled inside the pockets of my robe. I felt the outline of the wand I bought the week prior from Ollivander’s. Eleven inches, pear wood, with the core of dragon heartstring. The poor dragon, man. At least his heart would be used to make the obligatory “is that a wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me” joke. I walked out of the Great Hall, the candles hanging, well, floating over us. I was accompanied by my fellow house-mates, Ravenclaw. I had read that our general characteristics include wit and wisdom, so that really isn’t all that terrible. My father was Hufflepuff when he went to Hogwarts. When I look at his old pictures, I can tell, mainly because he looked like Spicoli. My mother is a muggle; my father met her in a train station while she was on her way to work. Somehow, they fell in love. Your average muggle meets wizard love story, basically.
“Oof.” I turn to see that I’ve completely run into a Gryffindor boy and ripped his robe. Oh, earwax. I mess everything up.
“Oh no! I’m so sorry! I was so distracted-I, I just didn’t notice you!” Maybe my desperate attempt to reconcile this unfortunate incident will result in my not being cursed with a pig tail.
“Oh, it’s alright. This robe wasn’t new anyway.” He pulled out his wand and muttered some spell to repair the tear. “So you didn’t notice me, eh? That’s new.”
“What do you mean?” This boy was completely average looking, not too tall, not too beautiful. Was he being cocky, or was he famous or something?
“Well, I AM son of the ‘boy who lived.’”
“That’s typically how reproduction works. Congrats on having genes that biologically surpasses Darwinism.”
“No, no, like I’m Albus Severus Potter, son of Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley Potter.” He extended his hand.
“Interesting name. I’m just Sarah Kelley.” I shook his hand, trying to find my arm in my massive robe was a bit of a challenge. He looked surprised I still had no clue who he was.
“You must be new, but you’re about my age. How did that happen?” He crossed his arms, inspecting me like I were a science experiment and he was Robin Williams in Flubber.
“Well, I have a wizard father and a muggle mother. I’ve always known about magic, but I never really had powers or any sort of magical inclinations until this year. I suppose I’m a late bloomer. Then my parents decided to take me out of public school and enrolled me in Hogwarts, so now I’m here!” I hope my life synopsis wasn’t too boring for this Justin Beiber of the magical world.
“Well, that explains why you don’t know who I am. My ol’ man was a big guy in the last war, and he named me after these two important wizards he knew.”
“Oh man, I’m sorry. I mean, it’s a bit of a pretentious name. But I guess if I named my kid after two cool guys I knew he’d be like-Godzilla Robert de Niro.”
“Are those muggles?”
“Well, Godzilla’s like a lizard monster that destroyed entire towns.”
“Sounds like something my boggart will turn into now, great.”
A Slytherin boy came up behind us.
“Ello lovelies! Al, your bum is looking firm, I’m guessing that quidditch camp made you do lots of squats this summer?” This boy was right behind Albus and I, I could hear him breathe. He had glitter on his robes, and his hair was white and slicked back, a bit of dark black eye make-up. He basically looked like Boy George if he were dropped in a vat of bleach.
“I think you’ve barking up the wrong broomstick here Scorpious.” Albus retorted.
“Just you wait Al, every toad turns, I’m tellin’ ya. No one can resist the charm of a Malfoy boy!” Scorpious looked at me. “Ello there newbie! What’s your name?”
“I’m Sarah.”
“Hi Sarah! Ravenclaw, eh? How absolutely fan-tas-tic! Well, you better run along and catch up with your house, I think the last of them are leaving now!”
I saw the Ravenclaw boy I was sitting next to walking up the stairs. I waved goodbye. Scoprious attempted to put his arm around Albus, but the son of Harry quickly shrugged off this rather flirtatious Slytherin.
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