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The Recital
The twists and turns of the music was enough to sweep you off your feet. Then again, the twists and turns in my stomach could do the same thing. "You're next." Steven whispers in my ear. "Okay,"is my reply. I shakily walk to the curtain to see the end of the last performance. Applause. A standing ovation! "Steven, I can't do this!" I say clutching onto his arm. My brother just smiled and said comfortingly, "You'll do fine, Mia." He pushed me gently onto the stage. "Hello, dear. We are going to be the judges for you today," said a smiling woman."What is your name?" "Mia. Mia Valentine."I told her hoarsley. "What will you be playing on the piano?" Asked the man beside the lady. "Shadow Dance, composed by Martha Mier, from the book Romantic Sketches. "Whenever you are ready," The lady said. I touched the Ivory keys. I placed my hands in position. 1 note, two notes... My fingers skidded across the piano. The crescendo was getting louder as my heartbeat was. I stood, bowed. Silence. One clap. Two claps. Full fledged applause. Ovation. Tears rushed to my eyes while I stood smiling.I looked at the judges. The were amazed. "Mia, we would like to present you with the award of 1000 dollars. You did wonderful!" They said awestruck. I had done it. I had completed the Recital.
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This article has 7 comments.
Ok, so I really want to LOVE this piece because I've played the piano for... too many years, and can definitely relate to the nervewracking experience this girl was going through. But I do have some things that could make this better.
First, you need to have seperate paragraphs. It was all one strand, so it made it hard to read. Learning how to separate a story is really key in how the reader interprets what you are trying to say.
Also, the main point of this story is to describe the feeling of being judged, wondering if this talent of yours is good enough... if you can actually do it. I feel like you could have used a little more embellishment on the actual playing section. It was a little rushed, which leads me to my last critique...
The ending was kind of bizarre. Like all of a sudden the judges are like "Here's one-thousand dollars! We're not even going to talk about it!" Kind of unrealistic, for a very realistic piece.
Ok, I know that was a lot, but I really wouldn't be making this many suggestions if I didn't like it in my own way. Really, the changes would be minor. You have the perfect frame for this story. You just need to build the interior a little better.
Keep writing!