I close my eyes and the images flow back; crashing over me and filling me with dread and guilt. The noise echoing through my head.
I grab my hair and cover my ears trying to make it stop, all of it. Why is it that everything I love and want gets taken from me? I grab it and try to hold on but it always finds a way out, seeping through my fingers right before my very eyes. My head is spinning with the images I can never forget. I hold my head in place to try to stop the spinning. But it doesn't work, it never works. It only hurts and it will always hurt. I think of things I could have done differently, I would have done differently if I had known. But it doesn't change what happened and I known it will never change. The fear and regret will just eat me alive; pealing off a layer of skin because it knows the pain is unbearable. But I let it because its what I get. It's what I deserve.
"What are you afraid of", it laughs in my ear enjoying the torture in my eyes and the burning feeling it brings when I think about it. But I am scared...of today... of tomorrow... and of the past.