I walk nervously back and forth down the hall of the delivery room. There were blue chairs in a row one by one next to each other. In one of those chairs I see this trembling young woman around her mid twenties.
The pale young women wore a blue winter coat, dark blue high waist jeans, and brown cozy UGG boots. A warm red knitted scarf wrapped around her neck. The woman held a golden chained necklace with a cross and the letter “N” in her hands.
“Mrs. Yokota” The doctor looked at her with sorrow.
She looked up at the doctor. His body language was hard to figure out.
‘Nicholas Faith Angle Hilson is going to live strong and health. I will be there for him as a grandmother that he will never forget. Even though I neglected Alyssa’s childhood, I want to change that and be with both of them in my life.’
“Your grandson could not survive the heart transplant. I’m sorry.”
I saw the necklace in her fragile cold hands. A silent pause to take what I just heard. The necklace dropped on the cold pattern tiled floor.
Her hands were shaking. Not a single word from her mouth. She looked at me I saw her eyes. Those swollen eyes from crying, those dark circles from the lack of sleep.
All I can say is I’m sorry, but am I truly sorry for a stranger who just lost her grandson.
I picked up the golden necklace and placed it on her cold hands.
“Here you go. He will be smiling up in heaven thanking you. He is in a better place.”
As I walk back toward where a stood waiting for an answer, all these mixed emotions flow into my head. ‘What if Grace won’t make it? What if she has a heart failure? What if she has asthma? Is she going to turn out to be like the stranger’s grandson? Who knows what will happen?’
I went to the labor room with my wife finding out that my first daughter is going to be born any minute.
“ I’m sorry to tell you, but I don’t think your daughter is going to make it. She has a very small chance to live.”
“I give up. She won’t make it.” I spoke strongly.
“Are you crazy? You don’t believe that your own daughter will make it.” The psychiatrist said.
‘Twenty four weeks, under two pounds. Is this a miracle?’
Sixteen years later. She has grown so big physically, and spiritually. December 20, 1993 was my saddest moment; I knew if I’d give all my heart to a small infant that would not make it, I would feel that I will be with her in heaven leaving this heavy burden on myself.